


Where's Marco?

by Ctay86



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Moving On, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28223370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ctay86/pseuds/Ctay86
Summary: Y/N is the girlfriend of Marco Bott. They grew up together in the same town and both decided to join the cadet corps.What happens after Marco's death?Will Y/N be able to find peace and move forward?**I do not own the characters of Attack on Titan. I am but a lowly amateur writer with too much time on my hands.**
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Reader, Marco Bott/Reader
Comments: 54
Kudos: 128





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I had a random idea the other night after watching AOT and seeing Marco's death scene again. This will most likely be a shorter story than my other stories have been, but it was still something I wanted to do. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

Y/N could stare at the freckles on her boyfriend’s face all day. They were in the grass under a tree feeling the warmth of the sun on their skin. The afternoon was perfect and exactly what they needed. Their training this week for some reason seemed more gruesome than usual. The stress of the week was worth the reward though. The couple laid nestled in each other's arms as they enjoyed their day off.

“MARCO! Y/N!”

Y/N buried her face in Marco’s chest as she hears the yells of her fellow cadets.

“Why do they have to ruin this?” she asks.

Marco gives his girlfriend a quick hug and kisses her head.

“You know they can’t function without us. Let’s go. It’s time for dinner.”

The couple rises from their grassy patch and starts to make their way towards the mess hall. Holding hands, they get into line to grab their trays. Continuing through the line they hear a familiar voice.

“Well hello, lovebirds. Attached at the hip as always, I see. It’d be nice if I could spend time with my friends on our day off without feeling like a third wheel, but we can’t always get what we want. Can we?”

Y/N puffed out her cheeks in irritation towards the fellow cadet.

“Jean, are you jealous? I thought we agreed to share Marco. Today is my day. This shared parenting is never going to work if you don’t stick to the schedule.”

Jean rolled his eyes.

“You know sarcasm isn’t a skill they rate us on, but if they did, you’d be first,” the cadet responded.

She laughed in response and grabbed her tray finally making it through the line. The group makes their way to their table to eat their dinner.

“We’d be tied for that honor and you know it, pretty boy,” Y/N responds.

Marco felt like he needed to step in and prevent an argument. He was the peacekeeper of their class after all. He was about to change the subject when Connie beat him to it, but the topic may just result in another fight.

“So, we’re graduating in a month. Does everyone know what regiment they want to join?” Connie asked.

Y/N looked over at Marco, and the pair smiled at each other. They knew where they wanted to go. They wanted to go to the Military Police to help defend the heart of the walls. Both have been working diligently to make it into the top ten to be able to qualify. Jean was also going to join the MP’s, but his reasoning was less noble. He wanted to be safe from titans and attacks.

The group continued to discuss their ambitions and futures until it was time to go to the barracks. Marco escorted his girlfriend to her cabin and stood in front of her while her back was pressed against a wall. The light of the night illuminated Y/N’s face and her natural beauty was enhanced as Marco peered down at her. She was beautiful and he loved everything about her.

“I’m glad you came with me to the military,” he softly says.

Y/N let out a chuckle as she responded.

“What was I supposed to do? Pick weeds in a field? I want my life to mean something, and it would mean nothing if I wasn’t with you. I didn’t have a choice,” she smirks.

The freckled brunette wraps his arms around his girlfriend's waist and moves closer. He bends his head down and softly kisses the top of her head.

“I love you, Y/N.”

The h/c haired girl closes her eyes and lays her head on Marco’s chest. They would graduate soon and even though they had their lives planned out she knew that sometimes life doesn’t go according to plan. So, she would remember this moment and place it neatly away in a box in her mind for safekeeping.

“I love you too, Marco.”


	2. I Can't Find Him

It had been two days since Eren moved the boulder to block the hole made by the colossal titan. Almost everyone was helping with the cleanup from the incident. Y/N was doing her job, but she was distracted moving through her work. She had yet to see a smiling face of freckles. Moving on with her task she sees a tuft of brunette hair. She quickly makes her way over to the group. She’s disappointed when she sees Bertolt instead of Marco. Not surprisingly, he’s standing next to Reiner and Annie.

“Hey, Bertolt!” she yells.

The brunette looks distraught, but she wasn’t surprised there were a lot of those looks lately.

“Have any of you seen Marco?” she asks moving closer to the group.

The trio looks at the girl expressionless. Something about their demeanor looks off, but Y/N doesn’t think too much about it. There had been a lot of death around them. If they looked happy it would be wrong.

“I’m sorry. We got separated mid-way through the mission and we haven’t seen him since,” Bertolt says.

“If we see him, we’ll tell him where you went,” Reiner responds.

Y/N nods her head and looks towards Annie. She was never one for words, but she wouldn’t look Y/N in the eyes which was cold even for her. Once, again the h/c hair girl assumes it’s because of the recent trauma.

Continuing to focus on her assignment she moves away from the trio. Her chest feels heavy and something doesn’t feel right to her. Finding Marco shouldn’t have been this hard. ‘Why hasn’t he found me?’ she thinks.

Rounding the corner and she sees another familiar face.

“JEAN!” she yells with tears in her eyes.

Y/N was thankful to see him alive. She knows that Marco will be relieved as well. If something happened to any one of the three, they would be devasted.

The two-toned brunette looked up and his eyes went wide. He had never been so happy to see his sarcastic best friend’s girlfriend. He dropped what he was doing and ran to the girl. Once he reached her, he wrapped her in a tight hug.

“Where’s Marco?” Jean asked.

“I don’t know. I can’t find him. Jean, I have a bad feeling,” she replied.

He was also concerned that he hadn’t seen his best friend.

“Alright, help me for now. We’ll keep an eye out for him as we work.”

She nodded her head and started helping him with their task.

A while later Jean was further up the road when Y/N glanced over to him. She saw a distressed look on his face, and a doctor was standing beside him. Y/N started moving towards them to see what was wrong. Then she heard the doctor speak.

“I need his name. We don’t have time for this.”

Jean slowly turns to the doctor and looks at her with eyes filled with horror.

“Please, Son. You understand? It’s been two days since we boarded up the hole in Wall Rose. That’s too long. We’re nowhere near accounting for all the dead. Unless these poor souls are dealt with soon an epidemic is likely to break out. We’re the first line of defense against secondary disaster. We’ll lament the fallen after we’ve done our jobs. Is that understood?”

Her friend looked looks at the ground as he started speaking.

“He was a member of the 104th Cadet Corps, Captain of Squad 19. Marco Bott.”

The h/c hair girl doesn’t hear any more of the conversation as her face runs pale. The doctor has walked away, and Jean looks over to meet eyes with Y/N. Holding back tears she speaks.

“What name did you say to her?”

Jean looks to the ground unable to respond. Y/N balls her hands into fists at her side and yells.

“WHAT NAME DID YOU SAY TO HER, JEAN?”

Tears have started cascading down her face as she looks at the lifeless body near her friend. Taking a closer look, she sees almost half of the body is missing. The one eye that is left is staring vacantly at nothing. Then she sees freckles. She kneels beside the body and sobs.

“M-Marco?”

Jean looks down towards her and he can’t bear to see her so broken. They’re both in pain, but Jean knows this is probably worse for her.

“N-No. No. NO! NO! NO!”

He grabs Y/N by the waist and drags her away from his body.

He continues to hold her and tries to calm her down. Y/N punches at his chest crying. She was angry and ridden with grief. She didn’t know what else to do, and Jean let her do what she needed standing silently trying to hold back his own tears. Her punches slow and stop as he pulls her into his chest. Burying her face into him to find some source of comfort she feels strong arms wrap around her shoulder and hold her tight.

“I’m sorry,” Jean softly says.

“It’s not you f-fault. I’m sorry, too. He was your best friend,” she replies.

The pair stand silently together for a few more minutes. Until Jean decides it's best to move on.

“I promise I won’t leave your side, but right now we still have a job to do.”

Y/N nods her head in reply and together they go back to work.


	3. What About Me?

Y/N is staring vacantly at the fire filled with the bodies of the dead from the breach in Wall Rose. Her mind is lost in thoughts of what should have been her future with Marco. Those plans have now turned into childish dreams that will never be. Memories and words of Marco do nothing but haunt her mind, and she’s becoming a shell of the person she once was. Her body is only going through the motions of this new life that didn’t have her boyfriend in it. Everything was pointless.

Jean has stayed true to his word and hasn’t left Y/N’s side. The pair had been inseparable since the discovery of Marco’s body. Jean has also become the only person that Y/N will talk to unless she is given an order by a superior. The light-haired brunette is worried about his friend. Especially, once she hears about his decision to change regiments tomorrow at the ceremony.

Y/N looks over and sees that Jean has bent down picking up a few bone fragments from the ground. 

“Sorry, Marco,” Jean softly says out loud.

Y/N looks down at her friend and tears start streaming down her face. She felt guilty because Jean was being strong for her this entire time. Her grief had so consumed her; she had forgotten that he was suffering as well. Jean tightens his fist with the bone fragments and stands with a look of determination on his face.

“Hey guys, question for ya,” he asked.

The h/c haired girl looked at Jean with confusion on her face curious as to what he was thinking. She had seen this look before and whatever he had decided there was no turning back. It was worrying her slightly, but she stayed calm continuing to listen to him speak.

“So, have you decided yet? Which regiment you’re gonna join? I’ve made my choice. It’ll be rough, but dammit. I’m going to join the scouts.” 

After he finished his statement he broke down crying. It was the most emotional Y/N had seen him since they had found Marco. She immediately hugs his waist as he continues to let out his emotions. There are a plethora of thoughts running through Y/N’s mind at that moment. She was pretty certain why Jean wanted to join the scouts, but at the same time, she felt scared. After just losing Marco she didn’t know if she could bear to lose Jean as well, and joining the scouts usually meant a shortened life span.

Becoming an orphan as she trained as a cadet made her more attached to Marco and Jean. Her father had passed away before she had left for training. He was a soldier in the garrison and he was sent to help at Shiganshia. He never came home because according to his squad he was eaten by a titan trying to save someone. Then while she was in her first year as a cadet her mother developed pneumonia from a simple cold. She passed away shortly after.

Marco had been her childhood friend and he was her support system. He knew everything about her and made sure she was taken care of. They had both wanted to join the military. Y/N wanted to join in hopes of honoring her father’s memory. Marco wanted to be noble and work for the king.

When they made it to training together Marco had become good friends with Jean after a while. Even though at the time she would have never admitted it she had also become attached to the tall brunette. They didn’t always get along, but they respected each other's abilities. Marco would often have to break up their squabbles, but they weren't as bad as Jean's fights with Eren. Overall, she admired him and she considered him family. Now, all that was left of her family was him.

Pulling apart once Jean had calmed down the pair starts walking back to their barracks for the evening. On their way, Y/N decides to ask a question.

“Were you serious about joining the scouts?” she asked.

Jean doesn’t make eye contact and keeps walking as he responds.

“It’s what I said wasn’t it? I won’t back out now.”

Y/N furrows her brow in response. 

“What about me?” she asks.

Still keeping his head straight he answers her question.

“You are still going to the MPs. I won’t let you join the scouts.”

The h/c haired girl shoots him an annoyed glare.

“First off, it’s not your choice what I choose.”

She felt herself getting angrier by the second. He wasn’t going to make major life decisions for her without her input.

“Secondly, how am I suppose to join the MPs knowing that you aren’t with me? You’re all I have left. It was supposed to be the three of us! Now you're trying to leave me too? ”

She felt tears prick the corner of her eyes. Jean had stopped walking and stood in front of his friend. He hugged her tightly and whispers in her ear softly.

“You’re going to join the MPs so that I know you’re safe. I can’t risk you, too. Marco would kill me if I let you make the same decision as me.”

She feels tears run down her face as she responds.

“That’s not fair, Jean. I don’t want this anymore. I can’t be an MP if Marco isn’t there. My heart couldn’t take it. I also don’t want to hear through the grapevine that you were eaten by a god damn titan like my father was! I won't do it!”

She feels Jean’s grip tighten around her. He pulls her away, but still holding her shoulders firmly.

“I care too much about you to let you join the scouts with me. Please, understand this is something that I have to do. It’s not an "us" thing. There isn’t even an "us" anymore because we don’t have Marco. Now, go to bed, and tomorrow you’ll go with the MPs,” he says sternly.

Glaring at her friend she walks away without another word. Y/N didn’t care what Jean thought was going to happen she would make her own decision tomorrow night. Whether he liked it or not.


	4. What You Needed To Do

Making her way to the platform to pick her regiment she can see Jean and her friends in the distance. From what she can see it looks like Jean is making a statement. Y/N rolls her eyes as she grows closer to her group. She can hear her friend talking.

“I understand that joining the scouts isn’t for everybody. I won’t guilt-trip you. Hmph. Unlike a certain suicidal maniac.”

“Eren, huh? I guess he’s been a scout for a while now. Hasn’t he?” Connie says.

Y/N looks over to Jean with an annoyed look on her face. Then she hears someone calling them over to the platform.

As everyone starts making their way over Jean starts speaking again.

“At the end of the day, there's nothing that anyone could say to persuade you into risking your life. The same goes for me. So, believe me when I say this decision is all mine.”

The tall brunette begins to walk away.

“You’re a hypocrite, Jean Kirstein. I hope you know that.”

Jean stops and turns around to face Y/N.

“How?” he asks flatly.

“You talk to them about joining the scouts and it being your decision, but when it comes to me you say the decision isn’t mine,” she replies.

Jean sighs looking over at the h/c haired girl.

“I made Marco a promise when we were training Y/N. I intend on keeping it.”

Confusion fills her face as she tries to process what her friend had just said to her.

“What do you mean you made a promise?” she asks.

Jean crosses his arms as he begins to speak.

“I mean that one night after dinner I was talking to Marco. He asked me to keep you safe if something were to happen to him. I laughed and told him that something was more likely to happen to me than him.”

She can see Jean look down and give a chuckle to his last statement. He never wanted to have to keep this promise. Not because he didn’t care for Y/N, but because it meant that his friend was really gone. He looks up and meets Y/N’s e/c eyes with his brown.

“This is the best way I know to keep you safe. So, I am asking you. **Please** , do not join anything other than the Military Police. Don’t make me break a promise to him.”

She can see tears that Jean is trying to hold back. Y/N can tell that this means a lot to him, but she can’t ignore everything that's happened. She would feel hollow joining the MPs at this point. Every day would be a reminder of what she had lost. The need to make a difference is gnawing at her conscience. If Marco was here and she told him how she felt she knows that he would support her decision. Even if it was different than what he wanted for her.

Y/N begins to walk away and starts to speak as she passes her friend who is still staring at her with pleading eyes.

“We need to get to the platform before we get in trouble. Let’s go.”

Jean starts to follow but continually looks over at his friend. She didn’t give him a response to his plea, and he has a feeling it did little to change her mind. Y/N could be just as stubborn as him. It was so damn annoying. He didn’t understand why she couldn’t see he was trying to do what was best for her.

They stand before the platform side by side. Neither of the pair looks at the other while Commander Smith from the Survey Corps is speaking. They listen carefully to his words. He talks about Eren being a hope for humanity. The commander also talks about going to Eren’s house in Shiganshina to look in his cellar. The mention of Shiganshina gives Y/N the chills as she thinks about her father. Jean had looked over to Y/N at the mention of the forgotten town also thinking about the way her father had died. He knew that was a touchy subject for her. She was close to her father before he was killed, and he softened his eyes towards her for a moment before returning them to the commander. His speech winds down and he gives his closing remarks.

“Whoever still wants to put their life on the line and join us, remain here. But first, ask yourself. Can you give your heart? Can you give your everything for humanity? That is all. Those wanting to join other regiments are dismissed.”

Once Commander Smith has finished talking cadets start leaving. Y/N looks around and she sees Bertolt who anxiously watches Annie stroll away towards the Military Police. He seems to stay where is he is at with Reiner. Looking forward she can see that Connie and Sasha are going through an internal struggle. She imagines that anyone considering staying is having similar thought processes, and Y/N was no exception

The h/c haired girl starts thinking about what she wants to do. She thought she had made her mind up, but suddenly she is filled with doubt. Maybe Jean was right? Looking at the cadets that continue to leave her mind starts to think of freckles and a smile that lit up the dullest of rooms. A smile she would never see again. It was with that thought that she is reminded that she wants to join the Survey Corps and all doubt leaves her. She would do more than just exist. She would help find a way to stop these monsters from taking happiness from anyone else.

She then looks over to Jean and she can see that he is also having doubts. He doesn’t even seem to notice that she hasn’t left his side, but she knows that if he sees her not move away then he might cause a scene. Y/N makes the decision to move to the other end of the line taking a place between Ymir and Reiner. The pair don’t say anything to her but let her stand out of sight from Jean giving her a knowing look as to why she moved.

Once no other soldiers leave Commander Smith returns. His piercing blue eyes look out at the remaining cadets as he starts to speak. 

“I ask you if you were ordered to die, could you do it?”

A cadet yells from the small crowd, “We don’t wanna die, Sir.”

“Of course. Let us hope that you don’t then. You who stayed, you are now one of us. Allow me to welcome you to the Scout Regiment. This is a genuine salute soldiers. Together, we give our hearts.”

He then salutes the cadets and they give a salute in return.

“Sir.” They all yelled in unison.

The new members of the Survey Regiment look around and see who is remaining from their class. Everyone from the group of friends had stayed and joined with the exception of Annie, but that wasn't a surprise to anyone. Y/N was surprised to see that Christa had stayed. She was the most likely to be scared off in her opinion. 

Y/N was still hiding beside Reiner when she peeked around the burly cadet and sawJean had stayed. She didn’t doubt that he would, but she could see earlier that he was doubting himself hard. Then she heard him speak.

“This is so stupid. At least I was able to convince Y/N to leave before it was too late.”

A pang of guilt washed over her. He hadn’t noticed that she had stayed yet. Reiner looked down at her and raised a brow. He had also heard Jean’s statement. The burly blonde started talking to her unexpectedly.

“It was what you needed to do for you. Remember that.”

She gave Reiner a soft smile and he returned it. It was nice to know someone respected what she wanted.

“I will,” she says to him and starts to move back towards Jean.

When her boots start moving, she sees Jean’s head shoot up.

“What are you doing here? I saw you leave.” He says with a worried expression on his face.

“I told you this wasn’t your decision. I know you made a promise, but I’m not your responsibility,” she calmly says.

Hurt is what she sees in her friend's eyes. Decisions have been made and even though he begged her to leave she stayed. Jean doesn’t say anything in response and walks away hitting her shoulder with his as he passes.

Y/N knew he would be mad. She just hoped she hadn’t lost what was left of her family that night.


	5. You Joined too?

_Staring down at her food Y/N feels aggravated. Earlier when they were practicing hand-to-hand combat she was paired up with Jean. He wasn’t taking the training seriously and she had gotten onto a yelling match with him. It was made worse when Eren decided to jump to her side and help her chastise her friend. Marco had seen the fight when he was sparing with Bertolt. He sighed and ran over to help break up the incident._

_Now she was sitting next to Marco who had been relatively quiet as Jean sat directly across from her. All three had barely said a word to the other as they reflected on their earlier actions. Wanting the room to go back to normal Marco begins to speak._

_“Did you see Sasha get caught trying to steal meat?” he asked._

_Y/N let out a soft laugh and responds._

_“I didn’t. I wish I had though. Has she latched on to it like a rabid dog again?”_

_This time Jean let out a snort. Even though she was annoying he did like her sense of humor. It was like a work of art. Not everyone appreciates it, but those who do find it highly valuable._

_Marco laughs as well as he responds._

_“She did. I’m afraid they’ll kick her out if she keeps stealing though.”_

_The group nodded their heads in agreement, and Marco laces his fingers with Y/N’s. He gives her hand a squeeze making her look up to his brown eyes and smiles at her. She instantly melts and lays her head on his shoulder. The tension was finally lifted from the room because Marco was there to be a mediator. The evening continued in peace until they all parted ways and turned in for the night._

__

The recruits of the Scout Regiment had already arrived at their new home the day after the ceremony. They were staying at a large castle that used to be royal property. It was the old headquarters for the Scouts. They had moved to be closer to the gate in Trost at one point, but since the gate is blocked by a boulder now, they had to move operations back to where they were previously.

Y/N had been quiet most of the way there and during their orientation. Most of the time she was lost in thought as random memories of Marco would surface in her mind. She had started talking to the others again, but since the disbanding ceremony yesterday she hadn’t talked to Jean. It had only been a short time, but it hurt not being able to talk to him. He wouldn’t even look at her.

It was near the end of the day and the group was passing by the stables when they hear a familiar voice.

“Hey, Mikasa! Armin!”

Turning around Y/N sees Eren who is talking to Mikasa. She seems to be doting on him as usual. Y/N follows the others and makes her way over to her friend.

“Oh, hey. You guys all joined the Scouts?” Eren asks Connie.

“Well, yeah. Why else would we all be here?” the shorter male responds.

Y/N continues to listen and then tenses up with Eren’s next question.

“Of course. So, Jean, Marco, Y/N, and Annie all went to the Military Police then?”

Eren didn’t see Y/N standing next to Reiner since she was considerably shorter and when she heard him mention Marco’s name, she went pale. Reiner notices and places a hand on her shoulder for support.

Hearing someone walk up behind him, Eren turns around and sees Jean.

“Wait, you joined too?” Eren asks in disbelief.

“Marco’s dead,” Jean responds in a solemn tone.

Y/N can see the panic on Eren’s face as Jean’s words set in. The h/c haired girl looks down to the ground and balls her hands into a fist trying to remain calm. Reiner’s hand hadn’t left her shoulder and he gave her a reassuring squeeze to remind her that she wasn’t alone. She had missed part of the conversation when she looks back up. She then hears Jean finishing his statement.

“…He died alone. There was no one there to see it happen.” He finishes.

A few tears stream down her face as she thinks about how scared her boyfriend must have been. She wishes that Jean would stop talking because she was about to have another breakdown. Thankfully, Eren starts to speak before he could say anything else.

“Where’s Y/N? I don’t see you with her, Jean. Is she okay?”

Y/N could tell that Eren was assuming the worst. So, she slowly moved away from Reiner and around Sasha. Once she was behind Eren she placed a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and his teal-colored eyes were relieved to see her.

She gave her friend a comforting hug without saying a word but Eren decided to speak softly into her ear so that only she could hear.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

She felt a few more tears run down her face as the pair separated. She looked over to Jean with her tear-stained face. He made eye contact with her for only a moment and then turned his face away looking down to the ground.

Section Commander Ness yells out to the recruits to grab their new uniforms. Y/N grabs hers and places the cloak around her shoulders. At first, it felt heavy and out of place, but then she remembers why she joined the Scouts. Y/N grasps the green material in her hands as she thinks about Marco and hopes he would be proud of her.

After a few moments, she feels someone walk up behind her. She turns around and sees Reiner and Bertolt.

“Do you want to sit with us in the mess hall for dinner?” Reiner asks.

Before the incident at Trost Y/N didn’t have a lot of interaction with the pair, but ever since the falling out she had with Jean they had been keeping an eye on her. Well, Reiner had been keeping an eye on her and wherever Reiner goes Bertolt goes. The tall brunette didn’t mind tagging along though. He enjoyed her company. The boys didn’t have Annie anymore and she didn’t have her usual company, so they bonded over what they were missing.

“Yeah, let's go,” she said.

Reiner ruffled her hair and she gave him a soft smile as the three of them made their way to get dinner.

The new interactions hadn’t gone unnoticed by Jean. He was still mad at Y/N, but he was also jealous. He missed her company. Sasha and Connie were good friends, but they couldn’t compare to a certain h/c haired girl. He shook the thoughts from his head and followed the others to the mess hall.


	6. I Bet It's Jean's Fault

There was going to be an expedition in a month the go out to Shiganshina with Eren. Everyone would participate including the new members of the Scout Regiment. For the time being, life would consist of learning the long-range formation, training, and the usual daily chores.

It had been a few days since they had arrived and caught back up with Eren. The situation hadn’t changed a lot from that day either. Y/N and Jean were still not talking to each other and it was creating tension between the two. Y/N had hoped that her friend would have caved in by now, but he was being his stubborn horse’s ass self. She was feeding off the energy he was giving off and becoming equally as perturbed as him. It was moments like these that she missed Marco the most. He would calm both of them down and help them understand the other. Now, they had to try and figure it out on their own.

Cleaning out the stable’s Y/N hears a voice.

“Hey Y/N! It’s time for lunch. Let’s go.”

Turning around Y/N sees Reiner and she smiles at him. They start to make their way to the mess hall.

“Jean still hasn’t talked to you has he?” her friend asks.

Y/N sighs, “Nope. I don’t think ever will, we're both too stubborn for our own good.”

Reiner places his arm around her shoulder in a comforting way. The blonde would seem intimidating to a lot of people, but Y/N was never afraid of him. She felt comfortable with him and she was grateful that he was being supportive after all the drama she’s had recently. She lays her head on his shoulder for a second and closes her eyes. She can hear someone walking behind her.

“Hmph. Really, Y/N?”

Separating from her friend she looks behind her and sees Jean. Reiner knows where Jean is going with this and stands behind Y/N listening in case he needs to step in.

“Really what?” she asks with confusion on her face.

Jean doesn’t answer he just walks away into the mess hall and gets into line.

“What the fuck was that about?” she asks looking at Reiner.

The tall blonde rubs his hand on the back of his neck.

“Just ignore him. He’s being an idiot.” He responds.

The pair made their way in and grabbed their food from the line. Y/N can see Eren waving his arm in the air signaling them to sit over by him. They make their way and sit down with the others. Y/N’s only option is to sit in a chair that is directly in front of Jean. The brunette looks up and rolls his eyes towards her as she sits down. Y/N puffs out her cheeks in response becoming more irritated by the minute. She was about to say something when Eren decides to ask a question.

“Hey, Y/N and Jean. What the hell is going on with the two of you? You guys were always together, but now you won’t even talk. What happened?”

The h/c haired girl rubbed her face with her hand as she hears Armin speak.

“Eren, you can’t be so blunt about things like that. They had a disagreement.”

Y/N looks over to her friend and she could tell Eren felt embarrassed for calling them out. Suddenly, Eren decides to make one last comment on the subject before letting it go.

“I bet it’s Jean’s fault.”

Once again Y/N face palms, and she looks up across from her and she can see the anger radiating off the brunette. He cleans up his tray and walks out. Y/N was worried, and she started to get up to follow him when she feels Reiner grab her shoulder and pull her back down.

“Wait to talk to him after he’s calmed down. Nothing good will happen if you chase after him right now.”

Reiner was right and she decided to stay where she was only picking at the food in front of her. She really did want this mess to end.

Lunch had ended and the group had made their way out for training. Most of the time had been spent working with their ODM gear. Y/N always liked this part when training; there was something serene about flying in the air and forgetting all the drama that came with people. The only thing she needed to concentrate on was the movement of her body with the gear and slicing the napes of the practice dummies. She had just finished a run when she landed and heard a voice from behind her.

“That wasn’t half bad, brat.”

Y/N looked up in surprise when she saw Captain Levi.

“T-Thank you, Sir.”

She was surprised to see that he had been watching her. Y/N wasn’t a part of his squad, but it gave her an ego boost to be complimented by him. The man was intimidating, and it was rare to hear him praise anyone. She assumes he must be assessing the new member's skills and abilities. The Captain nodded and then walked away from her group once they had all finished.

She walks over towards her friends when she sees Jean standing by himself. He looks like he’s calmed down a bit, and she decides to approach him. Moving forward she can feel herself becoming more nervous. She doesn’t want him to shut her out, but it’s a possibility with Jean. He pushes people away when he’s upset typically. It was why she was getting the silent treatment for the last few days.

“Can we talk?” she asks softly.

Jean looked down at the h/c haired girl and she could see that he was debating whether he should or not.

“What do you want?” he asks in an emotionless tone.

“I want to not be fighting anymore. C’mon Jean. What’s done is done at this point,” she responds with a pleading look on her face.

Once again, she can see that her friend is battling internally. Just as he’s about to say something, Reiner appears.

“Everything okay?” he asks carefully.

Jean looks over to the blonde and shakes his head. He doesn’t say anything and just walks away. Y/N looks at him sadly as he goes. She was so close to him talking to her.

Y/N walked away and went back to her room. She cleans up from training and lays on her bed. She opens a drawer from the bedside table next to her bed and pulls out a relatively small box that contains keepsakes from her parents. Opening the plain wooden box, the first item she pulls out was her father’s pocket watch. It was silver with a deer engraved on it surrounded by different designs of filigree. He carried it anytime he was home, but when he was working for the Garrison, he would keep it at home.

The next item in the box belonged to her mother. It was a cameo on a gold chain. It had a cold casing with a terra cotta colored background. The image itself was a profile view of a lady with her hair in careful curls. She always loved the necklace and thought it was beautiful. Y/N remembered the day her mother had gotten the cameo. They were walking in town and her father stopped in a shop and bought it as a birthday present. Her mother hardly ever took it off after she received it. 

The last items in the box were their wedding bands. They were plain ordinary bands that to anyone else would seem boring, but to Y/N they were reminders of her parents who loved her with all their hearts. The items reminded her of memories with her parents. She remembered simple things like helping her mother clean or going on errands with her father. She missed them a lot.

Then she remembered how she wanted to give Marco her father’s pocket watch one day. A tear fell down her cheek as she thought about how that would never happen. It reminded her about how alone she was and quietly sobbed while clutching the pocket watch to her chest. She continued to cry until finally she was overcome by sleep skipping dinner.

What Y/N didn’t know as she was crying is that Jean was on his way to dinner. As he was passing by her room he stopped when he heard a muffled noise. He had pressed his ear against her door and heard her crying. The tall brunette frowned and debated knocking on the door to comfort her. He finally decided that he didn’t want to upset his friend any more than necessary and stopped himself. Instead, he sat down on the floor next to the door with his back facing the wall. He continued to sit there thinking about the last couple of days that had happened with Y/N. He wished he had never started the stupid fight. He realized that she was right. It was her decision. She wanted to join for a similar reason to himself and it was selfish of him to try and change her mind. Jean was going to fix things, but he would let his friend grieve in peace for now. While she sobbed in her room he continued to sit next to the door refusing to leave until he couldn’t hear her cries anymore.


	7. I Think You Forgot About Us

Sitting at breakfast taking another bite of her food Y/N can tell that a pair of eyes keep glancing in her direction. She looks up at one point and can see Jean looking at her. The look in his eye wasn’t icy and cold like it had been. It was calm and more relaxed. It was how he used to look at her before their fight.  
Y/N was confused because she didn’t know if the look was because he was finally ready to make up or whether he had come to terms with never talking to her again. The fact that he only gave her a look and they still sat in silence was making her feel it was the latter.

After breakfast was finished Y/N made her way to the stables to start tending to the horses. She started feeding them when her designated partner for the chore appeared. The tall blonde didn’t say anything at first, he simply started cleaning the stables. After a moment he started speaking.

“You weren’t at dinner last night.”

Reiner wasn’t asking why she wasn’t at dinner he was simply letting her know that he had noticed. It was his way of telling her that if she needed to talk about anything he was there to listen.

“Well, I wasn’t hungry. I was tired from training yesterday,” she responds casually.

Thinking back to her evening Y/N knows she’s not being truthful, but she didn’t want to worry her friend. The h/c hair girl had become quite dependent on him as of late and felt a little guilty. If she hadn’t been fighting with Jean, she’s certain they wouldn’t have become as close as they have. She also felt like being alone with her thoughts as she grieved for her loved one’s last night. He didn’t need to know what she was doing.

“You’ve looked tired for a while now,” he comments.

Looking at Y/N the burly blonde could see that she averted her gaze to the ground with a defeated look on her face. He knew she had been through a lot lately, and he wanted to help her. He had been watching from the sidelines the fight she had with Jean. He knew she needed someone after losing Marco. Anyone in their class could see how the couple had felt about each other. He almost felt like it was his responsibility to care for her.

“I think anyone would be tired with what’s happened recently, Reiner.”

Her response was cold. Y/N was trying to warn him to drop the subject. He was prodding at something she didn’t want to talk about. 

“You’re not wrong. I just want you to know you don’t have to suffer alone. Okay?”

She looked up softly at her friend. The h/c haired girl had told herself this morning that she wasn’t going to cry. This was going to be the first day she hadn’t cried since Marco had passed. She had resolved to take care of all that last night, but for some reason his simple gesture made her tear up.

Noticing the change in reaction he stopped what he was doing and walked over to her. He wiped her tears away with his thumbs, but only more tears started to fall. Reiner decided that a hug was necessary and pulled her into his arms and started stroking her hair. She felt the cracks in her dam break completely letting loose a flood of overwhelming emotion. Y/N placed her head on his shoulder and sobbed until she felt like she couldn’t cry anymore. She had felt so alone especially since Jean had decided to be an ass. Being able to find comfort in someone was what she needed and was what the blonde was willing to provide.

The moment didn’t last for long when someone started speaking.

“Why is it lately that every time I want to try and talk to you, you’re laying on him?”

Startled from the comment Y/N breaks away from Reiner and sees Jean standing at the stable entrance. She puffs out her cheeks in frustration with her tear-stained cheeks before she responds.

“Excuse you? I’m pretty sure the minute you decided to stop talking to me was the minute you no longer had an opinion on the things that I do.”

Jean chuckled, “That’s funny. It’s not liked my opinion even matters. You never listen to me.”

Y/N gave Jean a smug look before responding.

“I did listen. The problem is that I only took your advice when you were right. I guess you think I never listen because you’re full of shit.”

Jean was about to respond when a new person joined the conversation.

“Oi! This doesn’t look like chores to me. It looks like petty squabbling. Care to explain, brats?”

Even though Captain Levi was short he could be very intimidating especially when he feels people are being stupid. Jean and Y/N stood frozen in front of the Captain not sure what would happen next.

“Well, since no one can use their words and explain themselves, I think you both need to be on cleaning detail for the mess hall after dinner every night for the next month.”

The pair shouted “Yes, Sir” in unison. Levi immediately started walking away to his original destination.

After Levi leaves the three go back to their chores without another word. The rest of the day continues with the typical daily routine. Y/N and Jean haven’t spoken since the morning, and Reiner decided to give Y/N some space as well.

The evening had come, and everyone had finished dinner. The only two left in the mess hall were Jean and Y/N. They wordlessly clean until Y/N decides to break the ice.

“Why did you say that this morning?” she asked calmly.

“Are you really asking that? Ever since we’ve joined the Scouts you seem to be around Reiner and Bertolt constantly.” Jean replies with a hint of irritation in his voice.

Y/N sighs as she wipes down a table.

“Only because you decided to abandon me.”

She continues to wipe but her expression has changed to one of hurt. Losing Marco had been bad enough, but she felt like she had lost Jean as well.

“I didn’t abandon you. I was just mad that you wouldn’t listen to me.”

He looks over to Y/N while carrying a tray of glasses. He sees the hurt that he’s caused, and he frowns.

“I already told you that I couldn’t go with the Military Police. Jean, I look at the emblem on those jackets and it makes me sick. I couldn’t do it. This is what I needed to do. You should have understood better than anyone,” she replies with tears starting to form.

Jean looks at her once again and he can see the anguish on her face.

“I know. I’m sorry, but you hurt me too,” he replies.

Y/N looks up from her task at Jean with confusion.

“What does that mean?” she asks.

“It means I know I was being a dick, but then you’ve done nothing but hang around those two since.”

Frustration was growing in both.

“What was I supposed to do? Not talk to anyone?”

“I didn’t say that,” he responds.

Y/N furrows her brow.

“Then what do you mean?” she asks again losing patience.

Jean picks another tray full of dishes up and starts to walk away.

“Just forget it. Forget I said anything.”

The h/c haired girl had reached her breaking point. She was tired.

“YOU CAN’T JUST RUN THE FUCK AWAY EVERY TIME YOU DON’T LIKE SOMETHING THAT I SAY!”

Jean stopped in his tracks and turned around. He sat the tray down and stood in front of Y/N.

“YOU CAN’T JUST EXCHANGE YOUR FRIENDS WHEN YOU LOSE ONE! I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS INTERCHANGEABLE AND I SURE AS HELL THOUGHT MARCO WASN’T EITHER, BUT I WAS CLEARLY WRONG ABOUT THAT!”

Jean’s words hit deep in her chest.

“I-Is that w-what you thought?”

The brunette stayed quiet and didn’t move. Tears were also forming in his eyes.

“Every time I see you with them, I think you forgot about us. Every time Reiner touches you; I want to punch him in the face.”

His voice broke with the last statement trying to hold himself together.

“Jean, he saw what happened with us. He saw the argument and he just wanted to make sure I was going to be okay. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to at the time because we were all going through our own shit. Reiner just wanted to be a good friend.”

They stared at each other in silence for a moment. Neither one was sure what they should do next. That’s when Y/N decided to take a chance. She moved forward towards the tall brunette and wrapped her arms around his waist. Jean stiffened at her sudden movement at first, but then he relaxed when he felt her arms tighten around him. He took a deep breath as a few tears trailed down his cheeks.

The rest of the evening was spent finishing the cleaning of the mess hall. Once they had finished Jean walked Y/N back to her room where they sat and talked for a large portion of the night. They needed to clear the air now that their feud was over. Both were thankful that they had each other once again.


	8. What Are you Reading?

Sitting in her room reading a book Y/N hears a knock at her door.

“Come in!” She yells from her bed.

The door creaks open and Y/N can see a familiar tall brunette walk into her room. He makes his way over to her bed and sits down beside her.

“What’s up?” she asks as she places her book on the table beside her to give Jean her full attention.

“I was checking in. What are you reading?”

Y/N gives a soft smile at her friend. She was glad things were back to normal for them. She missed being able to talk to him.

“It’s a mystery novel. A man is trying to find the murderer of his fiancé.”

Jean raises a brow.

“That sounds pleasant and not at all depressing,” he responds.

The h/c haired girl’s face turns pensive as she thinks about his statement.

“It helps. Not this story in particular but reading. I can escape reality for a while and forget all of the bad things in my own life,” she responds.

The brunette has a confused look on his face. 

“What’s the point if the story is just as depressing as real life?”

It’s hard to imagine for Jean that reading something equally or more depressing than his real-life could be therapeutic. 

“I don’t know. I guess it can be relatable. Even though the characters aren’t real it helps because you understand how they feel. Like, the main character of this story misses his fiancé more than anything. He would die if it meant that he could bring her back. I can relate to that and reading his grieving process helps me with my own.”

Jean leaned his back against the wall. She made sense and he couldn’t argue with her logic.

“Are you scared for when we head out to Shiganshina?” Jean asks.

Y/N looked over to her window and looked at the tree that sits outside. It sometimes had birds flitting around or a squirrel scurrying its branches. It was calming to watch these animals go about their everyday lives.

“I’d be lying if I said no, but this is what we do. This is what our life is. What about you?” 

Jean closed his eyes for a minute and thought about the question.

“I’m scared. I’d be stupid if I said I wasn’t.”

Jean pauses before adding to his statement. Y/N can tell he’s contemplating his next sentence.

“Did I tell you what Marco told me at Trost?” he asked.

Y/N brought her attention over to her friend and looked into his brown eyes that bordered on the color of honey. She lightly shook her head from side to side.

“He said that he didn’t think I was a good leader because I was strong. I was a good leader because I knew what it was to be weak. That being scared made me care about others more.”

Jean gave a self-deprecating chuckle at the statement.

“Personally, I don’t believe I’m a good leader at all.”

Y/N frowned at his statement. She could see him looking downward and it made her heart hurt a bit.

“That’s not true. You’re full of yourself at times, but I've seen that side of you as well. Marco was right. Marco was always right.”

Jean looked up with a soft smile and chuckled.

“Full of myself? Is that what you really think?”

She raised her brow.

“That’s what you got from what I said?” she asked.

“It was hurtful,” he simply replies.

A smile appeared on her face and she rolled her eyes.

“I think you’ve heard worse from me.”

It was true after being together constantly the last few years they had called each other quite an assortment of insults.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Jean asks.

Y/N agreed, and they decided to leave the room and go outside. They found a path and started walking. Y/N took in the environment around them and appreciated the fresh air. She didn’t realize how long she had been cooped up in her room reading.

Continuing the path, they make their way up a hill. At the top, they can see the hills and trees that fill the area. The sky was clear and only a few clouds lightly dance along with the scene. The pair sat down against a tree gazing at the sight before them.

“I was thinking about going and seeing my mom tomorrow,” Jean states.

Y/N continued to look out at the hills as she responds.

“That’s a good idea. She worries about you. You don’t visit her enough.”

Jean picks a long blade of grass and fiddles with it in his hands.

“I know. That’s why I’m going. I want to see her before we head out on our expedition,” he replies.

He turns his attention to Y/N. He can see the wind blowing a few pieces of hair in front of her face. She has a serene expression that makes him happy to see. She hadn’t looked this relaxed in weeks.

“You should come with me. She would love to see you,” he suggests.

“I don’t want to ruin your alone time with her,” she answers calmly.

Jean rolled his eyes. His mother loved when he brought Marco and Y/N with him. She was always worried that people would be off-put by his sometimes-sour attitude.

“You know it would put her mind to rest to see you. If you don’t, she’ll just badger me about where you are and think I pissed you off.”

Y/N gives a soft chuckle, “Well, you did for a little while.”

Jean raises his brow, “Really? We just fixed this shit and you want to bring it up again?”

She smirks and replies quickly trying to prevent him from becoming any more agitated.

“I’m just kidding. Relax.”

He rolls his eyes and sighs, “Will you please just come with me?”

“Yes, I’ll go with you. I love your mom. She has the best stories about you. I really like when she points out what a heifer you were as a baby,” she replies with a wide smile on her face.

The brunette rubs his face in his hand trying to forget that his mother had a talent for embarrassing him around others.

“I grew into my own. Unlike some people.”

A slap could be felt against his shoulder.

“I’m not that short you freaking bean pole.”

“Sure, you’re not,” he says as he pats Y/N on the head in a condescending manner.

She gives Jean a death glare, “I swear Jean Kirstein. Do you want to die today?”

Jean laughs and looks back out towards the hills. His face settles into a soft smile.

“I missed bickering with your annoying ass like this,” he replies.

Y/N looks back at him and smiles. It had been so long since they spent time together. Casually picking on each other and enjoying the little things around them. It made her feel happy and grateful to be able to smile even for a moment. She still felt a small ache in her heart when she thinks about the missing third member of their group. It was weird to not him there as well, but she knew that he would be happy to see they still had each other.

“I did too. Let’s head back for dinner,” she says calmly.

The pair stand from a seated position and wipe away the debris from the ground. Y/N follows Jean back down the path to the mess hall. As they walk Y/N looks at the tall figure in front of her. She smiles to herself as she thinks about how happy he makes her in these little moments.


	9. Take Care Of Him

Jean regretted taking Y/N with him to visit his mother. He hadn’t felt this embarrassed since she had come to visit him when he was training. At least now he learned to not lash out as he had done then. He simply laid his forehead down on the table trying not to make eye contact.

Whenever his friend decided to ask a follow-up question to one of his mother’s stories he would simply reply with an unintelligible grunt. Y/N loved every moment of it. Watching him suffer at this level of embarrassment was providing her with great entertainment.

“Did he really punch a kid simply because he said he had a horse face? I mean I know I’ve said that to him before. Wait. Yeah, your right. I can see it. We argue when I call him that.”

The brunette raised his up and looked over to Y/N with an irritated look. He relaxed after a moment when he saw the bright smile on her face. She was so amused she almost had tears in her eyes. It made the corners of his mouth turn upward slightly. No one would even notice the expression unless they were studying his reactions closely.

“How about I feed you both then you can head back. I don’t want you out riding too late,” Mrs. Kirstein states.

Y/N smiles at the lady as she begins cooking. She always wondered how Jean of all people could have come from such an angel. She was sweet and Jean could often be the exact opposite.

The h/c haired girl looks over to Jean and she realizes that he’s been observing her. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt a slight blush on her cheeks. Breaking the eye contact immediately she gets up from her chair and walks over to offer Mrs. Kirstein help cooking. She hands her a knife and Y/N starts peeling potatoes.

Once they all have finished with dinner Y/N and Jean decided it was best to leave. Y/N laughed as she saw Jean struggle to leave his mother’s grasp. His face was red, and he looked like he might snap at any minute. If there had been any other people around, he most likely would have, but thankfully he was able to keep himself in check.

They walk over to their horses when Mrs. Kirstein runs over to Y/N. She envelops the h/c haired girl into a hug unexpectedly catching her off guard. Once the shock had worn off, she hugged the saint of a woman back. When they separated Mrs. Kirstein started speaking.

“Please, take care of him. I know he’s difficult.”

Y/N let out a soft laugh.

“I will. I’m used to him being a stubborn ass. I’ll keep him in check.”

Mrs. Kirstein gave a warm smile. She felt better knowing that her son wasn’t alone. His attitude wasn’t known as pleasant.

“Visit anytime you want. You don’t even have to have Jean with you. He doesn’t visit near enough and if I waited on him it’d be another year before I saw you again. As far as I’m concerned, you're part of this family.”

Without thinking, Y/N gave her another hug. It had been so long since she felt the comfort of a mother figure. The feeling that this woman would love her unconditionally no matter what. No one could replace her mother, but she felt that her mother would be happy to know that this woman could comfort her daughter in a way that she couldn’t anymore.

“Thank you,” Y/N whispered.

“Alright, it’s time for you to go. Please, be careful,” Mrs. Kirstein says.

The pair started their journey back home. As they rode Jean was lost in thought thinking about the scene he had just witnessed. He was glad that he was able to share his family with Y/N. He knew that this was something that she probably needed after everything that has happened. He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Y/N ask a question.

“Why don’t you visit her more?” she asked.

Jean thought about the question. He didn’t have a good excuse if he was being honest.

“I will now. Before I was just focused on getting into the military police that visiting wasn’t the priority,” he replied.

Y/N furrowed her brow.

“Jean, don’t take your time with her for granted.” She said with a solemn tone.

The brunette understood what she was saying and looked down. She then continued speaking.

“I knew that my mom had a cold. I was going to go home and visit to make her feel better, but then I decided I didn’t want to make the trip because I was too tired from training. My mother didn’t want me to worry. She didn’t tell me that her condition had worsened. The next thing I know, a messenger showed up to my barracks and told me she had passed.”

The only person who knew this story was Marco. He was with her when the messenger arrived, and he was the one to catch her when her legs gave out. Everyone else in the class just knew her mother had been sick.

She started thinking about all the things she should have done She was so caught up in her life that even though she knew her mother was sick she chose to put her second. Y/N felt like she was selfish. Guilt washed over her as she thought about her mother suffering alone. She must have been so scared to be to know that her life was going to end, and her spoiled brat daughter couldn’t be bothered to visit her.

Jean looked over to Y/N he could see that she was overanalyzing in her head. Y/N would often think too much about what she should have done in a situation and dwell. Her facial expressions turned from sadness to distress. When he saw the distress, he knew that he needed to gain back her attention.

“Stop. You can’t change what happened,” he replies.

Looking at Jean her thoughts settle but they don’t completely disappear. They never fully do. Having experienced so much loss, her mind is always wondering what she could have done differently. Marco was always the best at calming her. She would still think about her parent’s death too much, but when she was around him the thoughts were incoherent muffles. Now, with Marco gone they muffles were amplified. It was deafening and she missed the quiet.

“There was nothing you could have done,” he reminds her.

Sher nods her head in agreement only to satisfy her friend. Jean notices the nod, but he knows she hasn’t stopped pondering. He knew he needed to change the subject completely.

“Eren needs to get his shit together and control his damn titan form. He’s reckless and Mikasa is going to end up hurt because of him.”

Y/N glances over to her friend. She was aware that Jean has always had a thing for Mikasa. The only problem was that she’s in love with Eren. She knows Jean isn’t stupid, but he’s acting like an idiot pining away for her.

“I think Mikasa can handle herself. She’s kind of scary at times,” she replies.

Jean thinks about the statement. It was true the raven-haired girl was more than self-sufficient. It was one of the reasons he liked her.

“Well, one day she’s going to need someone’s help and Eren will most likely be the cause of the problem.

Y/N couldn’t deny that fact. Eren had a gift for not being able to control his emotions and makes rash decisions because of it.

“I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I think you know if she had to choose you or Eren she’d feed you to a titan in a heartbeat. You should find a different girl. One that can handle your ego,” she replies.

Jean gives her a deadpan look.

“My ego? I don’t know what you're talking about.”

She scoffs at his statement.

“Sure, ya don’t, buddy. Keep telling yourself that,” she responds.

At this point, she is fully prepared to enter a yelling match with her friend. Y/N knew the comment would send him on a rant. Waiting for his rebuttal she looks over at Jean. She was surprised because he wasn’t mad. He wasn’t gripping the reins to his force with all his might like he usually does.

Instead, he looks calm and has a soft smile on his face. He looks up and makes eye contact. Y/N’s first instinct is to look away, but for a moment she holds the gaze. When she felt heat rise to her cheeks, she breaks the gaze and tries to concentrate on the road.

The rest of the trip back was done in comfortable silence. Both lost in their thoughts of the day.


	10. He Made You Cry

Dining in the mess hall Y/N ate her bread as she casually observed the fight between Eren and Jean. Eren felt that Jean gave him a dirty look in the line for food. It was one of their milder arguments and she was enjoying the entertainment. Life was good.

“Eren, for the last time I wasn’t even looking at you!” Jean shouts visibly frustrated and clenching his fists.

Y/N sees that Reiner is also enjoying the show. He looks over at her and smiles. Then she sees him mouth the words “watch this” to her. She raises her brow in curiosity.

“I think Jean is right, Eren. I saw what happened. He wasn’t looking at you. He was staring at Mikasa beside you like a creeper,” the blonde states.

Y/N’s eyes widen at the comment. This wasn’t good. She knew this wasn’t good. She immediately looks at Jean and sees that his face has turned very red. Looking over at Eren, she’s not sure what he’s thinking. All she knows for sure is that she’s ready to jump in and restrain someone if need be.

Then suddenly Eren starts to walk away and Y/N can hear him mumble as he exits “Tch, whatever. I’ve got more important things to do.”

Rolling her eyes, she will never understand the relationship between Mikasa and Eren. Y/N knows that his family adopted her when they were younger and she’s in love with Eren. It just always seems that she’s chasing him. It was an odd thing to observe from outside their bubble. Maybe she’ll ask Armin about it one day.

“That’s a weird love triangle,” Reiner states while eating a bite of his soup. He lets out a soft laugh and shakes his head.

Looking over at Jean she can tell that he didn’t hear Reiner’s comment. It was a good thing because Y/N can see that he looks flustered. His head is low staring at his bowl. She’s slightly worried about what he was thinking. She bites her lip and debates if she should say something to him.

“He’ll be fine. I was just messing with him.”

She looked over at Reiner. He must have seen the concern on her face.

“C’mon. Let’s take a walk.”

She smiled at the blonde and got up with him. They had found a comfortable rhythm in their daily routine. Some evenings after dinner the two of them would go do something. Most of the time they took a walk, but if one was in a mood, they would go spar instead.

Walking around the grounds they made idle conversation about how their preparations for the expedition were going or about anything amusing that happened during their day. They had formed a real friendship since joining the Scouts. Each one just enjoying the other's company.

“I thought you were going to get decked by Jean. His face was as red as an apple.”

Reiner smiles. “I knew he wouldn’t do anything. Besides the shock on your face was worth it.”

She laughs and looks over to Reiner. She can see that he’s smiling at her. His gaze lingered a little longer than normal. It left Y/N with an anxious feeling. Wanting the feeling to go away she looked down to the ground.

“H-How’s Bertoldt? I know we hang out, but I haven’t talked with him lately. We just see each other here and there.”

Reiner places his hand on his neck and sighs.

“Uh, yeah. He’s good, but you know he’s always good. It doesn’t take a lot to make him happy.”

She nodded her head as they continued to walk.

“How are things with Jean? You seem back to normal,” he asks.

Y/N smiled softly. “Yeah, we’re back to normal. I was afraid we wouldn’t be. I was afraid I’d end up alone with no one.”

Reiner frowns at her statement. “I wouldn’t have let you be alone.”

Looking over at the tall blonde she gives a soft smile. The reassurance made her feel safe.

“I appreciate that. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me lately,” she responds.

A light dusting of pink crosses over Reiner’s cheeks.

“I know what it’s like to be in a tight group. If something would happen to Annie or Bertoldt I would feel awful. It was just instinct to try and help.”

The pair stop at a tree that usually marks the end of the walk for the evening. At this point, they would say good night and be on their way. Y/N can tell that there was something different with Reiner though. His demeanor suggested he wasn’t ready for the evening to be over with. She felt like he wanted to say something, but she wasn’t sure what.

Placing a hand on his shoulder she looks into his eyes.

“Are you okay? You’re quiet all of a sudden.” 

Holding his gaze with her he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he places his hand on top of the one that’s on top of his shoulder. His other hand makes his way down around Y/N’s waist. He brings her close and bends his head to kiss her.

A sudden flash of heat hits Y/N’s face as she realizes what’s happening. Then she felt her body stiffen. This was not what she was expecting, and it didn’t feel right. She liked Reiner, but not in this way. It’s only been a few weeks since Marco had passed.

Marco………

Memories of him started to flood her mind. His voice telling her that he loved her. The soft smile she would catch him giving her as they ate dinner. Laying in the grass on warm sunny days watching clouds pass in the sky.

Marco………

Her chest felt tight. She was confused. How could she let Reiner kiss her? Did she not care about Marco at all? This was her fault. She must have given him some sign that she was interested. Another image flashes into her mind. It was Marco again, but it wasn’t his smiling face she saw. The image was of his lifeless body lying against the building. His lifeless eye staring at nothing.

Looking up she can see Reiner’s worried face.

“I’m sorry. Please, don’t cry. Y/N?”

She raises her hand and wipes her cheek. She didn’t even realize she had started crying. She looks away.

“I-I need to g-go. I’m sorry,” she says with her voice breaking.

In the back of her mind, she felt bad about leaving, but right now she had to get away. No longer walking she’s started running. Almost falling on the way, she stands in front of a familiar door and knocks a lot harder than intended.

“Come in!”

Opening the door and closing it behind her she sees Jean. He looks up from his sketch pad and immediately drops what he’s doing. He wraps his arms around his friend and pulls her close. He can feel her body collapse into his. Burying her face into his chest she continues to cry.

“Hey. What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Who do I need to hurt?”

His voice is trying to stay calm, but he can feel himself panicking on the inside. He can tell that she isn’t going to be able to talk anytime soon so he gently moves both of them over to his bed. He sits on the bed with his back to the wall while she has opted to lay against him from the side with her head buried in his chest. As she cries, he gently strokes her hair.

After a while, Y/N has stopped crying and the pair have been laying in comfortable silence. Looking down he sees her puffy eyes and tear-stained face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks as he moves a strand of hair behind her hair.

Y/N takes a breath, “Reiner kissed me.”

Jean’s eyes widen and his body went stiff.

“I need you to move because I need to go punch him.”

Y/N furrows her brow and grips his waist.

“No. You’re not. You’re staying here,” she replies softly.

Jean scoffs.

“Y/N. He made you cry.”

The h/c haired girl sighs.

“That’s not his fault. I need to apologize to him.”

Jean raised a brow in confusion. Why in the fuck would she apologize to him? She won’t even apologize to him half the time.

“What happened? Explain it to me or I will go kick his sorry ass.”

She pauses trying to find the right way to explain this to him.

“We were walking and talking. He pulled me in and kissed me. He did nothing wrong. I just freaked out.”

She took a deep breath.

When he kissed me. I felt like I was cheating on Marco. It felt like I was betraying his trust. How could I let him kiss me?”

Tears started to well in her eyes again. Jean sees the tears and pulls her up, so she is sitting directly across from him. He cups her face and gently wipes her tears with his thumb.

“Y/N. He’d want you to be happy. That’s what would be important to him. You're not betraying him,” he replied.

More tears spilled down her face. Jean gives her a sad smile.

“He made me happy, Jean. He’s what I want. He’s what I need.”

Her voice breaks as she struggles to get her words out. Jean frowns and pulls her back into a hug.

“I know.”

He had gone back to stroking her hair as she cried. He starts to speak again.

“I miss him too.”

Jean knows that the only thing he can do now is to care for her. She was broken and his heart hurt to see her like this. He still wanted to punch Reiner. He would have to wait another day before he could do anything. After a while, he realizes that she’s fallen asleep. Instead of moving her and chancing her waking up, he decides to let her stay with him. He let out a long sigh and closed his eyes. 


	11. Are We Still Friends?

Jean’s eyes opened and he can the sunlight streaming in through his window. He yawns and begins to stretch, and he can feel a weight on top of his body. Looking down, he sees Y/N still sleeping. He smiles softly and brings a hand to piece a hair that is dangling in front of her face he gently moves it out of the way. She looked peaceful compared to the distraught demeanor she had from last night.

Laying peacefully playing with her hair he thinks about what she told him. He was still pissed at Reiner. He didn’t care if she thought it wasn’t his fault. He should have known better than to kiss her. His gut feeling towards the blonde had been lingering for a while. He never told Y/N how he felt, but something bothered him about that group. Jean knows that the last people to see Marco were Annie, Reiner, and Bertoldt. It seems odd that Marco was the only one who was separated, but there’s no reason for them to lie. It wasn’t like they were helping the titans. That would be ridiculous. Honestly, he just wanted answers to what happened. He looks back down to Y/N’s sleeping figure and lets out a sigh. He knows she wants answers too.

It was time for both of them to get up. Jean was a little disappointed. They were comfortable, but he also knew that if Y/N didn’t eat there would be hell to pay.

Nudging her shoulder Jean speaks softly, “Y/N. You gotta wake up. We’re going to miss breakfast.”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll sacrifice food for sleep.”

The tall brunette rolls his eyes.

“No. You’re a pain in the ass when you don’t eat. I’m not dealing with it.”

Y/N looks up at him and puffs out her cheeks.

“You’re always a pain in the ass and I somehow manage to deal with you.”

Jean scoffs and starts to get ready.

“Just get out of the damn bed before I make you.”

Feeling obstinate because she hasn’t eaten breakfast Y/N grabs the blanket and pulls it over her head. Jean pinches the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

“Fine be that way. I have to change. I suggest unless you want a show to stay under the blanket.”

She can feel her face turn red and she buries her face under the blanket. She had seen him shirtless before but seeing everything might be too much.

“I’m done, and you still need to get up.”

She stayed completely still hoping to convince Jean that she had fallen back asleep. What she did not expect was to have the blanket ripped from her body.

“What the fuck, Jean?!”

He then throws her jacket over top of her head.

“C’mon put your stuff on. We’ve got to go.”

Finally giving in Y/N starts to reattach her harness and then puts her boots on. She was going to have to wear the same clothes as yesterday then she couldn’t motivate herself in time to get out of bed.

As they walk down the hall Jean looks at her messy hair wondering how he was friends with this gremlin. Then she looked over to him and gave him an appreciative smile.

“Thanks for last night.”

He could feel a slight blush on his cheeks as he gave her a soft smile. ‘She’s worth the hassle.’ He thought.

Stopping before entering the mess hall Jean looks at her and can see that she’s nervous. No doubt because she has to face Reiner.

“Don’t worry. If he says anything to you, I’ll take care of it.”

She takes a deep breath.

“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.” She pleads.

Jean rolled his eyes.

“I can’t guarantee anything. It all depends on him.”

She puffs out her cheeks but doesn’t say anything. The pair stand in the line to get food. Y/N doesn’t look around the room she keeps her focus on either Jean or the back of the person in front of her.

Sitting at her usual table she stays quiet and looks only at her bowl. She glances over at Jean and sees that he has a scowl on his face. Following his line of sight, she’s not surprised to see Reiner. The blonde seems to be ignoring Jean and when she makes eye contact with him, he gives her a sad expression.

Breakfast was quiet and the three didn’t participate in the conversation of everyone else around them. They gave one-worded answers when asked trying to avoid talking as much as possible. Once they were finished, they head out to start on chores.

Y/N was busy mucking the stables and the situation was a bit awkward. Reiner was still her stable duty partner, and neither one yet spoken. Looking over to the blonde she can see him feeding the horses. He looked focused.

“I’m sorry about last night.” She said finally breaking the silence between the two.

Reiner looks up from what he’s doing and thinks. She’s not sure what was going through his head, but she wished he would say something.

“I should be apologizing. It wasn’t okay for me to do that without warning.”

Y/N takes a deep breath.

“I didn’t mean to freak out. It just happened.”

Reiner looks up and gives her a sad smile.

“Trust me. I understand more than you know.”

Y/N furrows her brow in confusion. She wouldn’t take Reiner as someone who would have a panic attack. He’s always been the support person for the people in their cadet class. He’s everybody’s big brother.

“Reiner are you okay?” she asks softly.

He gives a soft laugh over to his friend.

“Yeah, it’s probably best this way,” he replies.

Her features soften and she looks him over. He seemed vulnerable at that moment. It was different, and she was happy that he felt comfortable enough to let down his guard with her.

“So, are we still friends?” she asks with a hopeful tone.

He walks closer to her and pulls her into a hug.

“Yeah, we’re friends.”

She lets out a content sigh and relaxes against his embrace. She was glad he understood.

They continued with their work when Y/N sees Jean appear at the entrance to the stables.

“Y/N, everything going okay?” he asked.

Looking over to Reiner she smiles.

“Yeah, we’re good. In fact, we just finished. I’m going to go to the restroom. I’ll be back.”

Jean smiles at her and watches her leave. He makes sure she is out of sight and directs his attention back to Reiner.

“Hey, Reiner! How’s everything with you?” Jean asks with little sincerity in his voice.

The blonde looks over to jean and leans against a stable.

“I’m good. Y/N and I both good if that’s what you’re wondering about.”

Jean looks down to the ground and laughs to himself.

“I can see that, but I wanted to talk to you about her for a second if that’s alright.”

Reiner rolls his eyes. He has a feeling he knows what’s coming next. Jean doesn’t wait for him to reply and continues.

“See, she came to my room last night in hysterics crying. Crying because you kissed her.”

Reiner takes a deep breath and looks over to the brunette.

“I already said that we worked it out,” he replies.

He can see that Jean isn’t listening to him.

“I heard you and I can see she looks a lot better. I just wanted to let you know if you make her feel uncomfortable or hurt her, I will make sure you pay a price.”

The tall blonde narrows his eyes and glares at Jean.

“You mean like how you hurt her at the disbanding ceremony? She thought you were never going to talk to her again. Don’t act protective of her now. I was the one that helped her pick up the pieces you left behind.”

Before the conversation could go any further Y/N had reappeared. She could sense the tension in the room.

“What’s going on? I don’t see any signs of a fistfight, but something is definitely not right.

Jean and Reiner both give each other a threatening glare, but Jean decides to break the tension.

“We’re fine. Let’s go. We have training soon. I don’t want to be put onto anymore cleaning punishments if we’re late.”

Y/N shrugs her shoulders and follows Jean. Reiner is several paces back as they make their way to the training ground. Jean glances down at Y/N and thinks about what Reiner had said. He did feel guilty about that argument, but it didn’t change how he felt. He would protect her at all cost. It’s what Marco would want, but more importantly, it's what he wants.


	12. Tomorrow Will Be Interesting

Tensions were high. The day they had been preparing for had finally come. It was the day before their first expedition as Scouts. Everyone had different feelings towards the situation. Eren was excited he had been waiting for this day for a while. Armin seems like he's ready to go, but you can see the apprehension in his face. Sasha, well, she just wanted something to eat as usual.

The group of cadets was outside around a fire. They wanted to spend some time together one last time in case something was to happen out in the field. No one wanted anything bad to happen, but it can’t always work out that way. That’s why the group knew they should have this time together now.

Y/N was standing with Sasha as she listened to her talk about the animals she used to hunt. She came from a more rural area that required them to use the land more. It was interesting to hear her talk about her life. Taking a sip of her beverage Y/N’s eyes landed on Reiner. He was not surprisingly standing next to Bertoldt. They were a pair. Reiner catches her stare and smiles. He separates from his friend and moves towards her.

“Want to take a walk?”

Y/N smirked.

“Promise not to kiss me again?”

She watched the ash-blondes face turn red at the comment. Maybe it was too soon to bring up the incident again she thought. Then she saw him relax and place a hand on the back of his neck as an awkward gesture.

“Uh, no. I won’t.”

She grabbed his shoulder with her hand and smiled.

“Let’s take a walk then.”

The pair strolled down a path and they talked about everyday things. It was a normal walk not remarkable in the least bit. Y/N was looking off to the distance when she heard Reiner’s voice break their comfortable silence.

“Tomorrow will be interesting.”

His words seemed like an odd choice at the moment, but he wasn’t wrong. They’ve never participated in anything like this. The closest thing would be what happened at Trost. This was an expedition though. They had a plan and an objective. They were better prepared for this than what happened then.

“Yeah, I just hope it goes smoothly.”

Reiner stayed quiet and Y/N assumed he was having similar thoughts to hers. After a few more moments of silence, Reiner finally decides to speak.

“I’ll be close to you. I’ll keep you safe.”

Y/N looked over to her friend and she can see him deep in thought. He seemed almost conflicted. Maybe she was just misreading his expression.

“I’m fully capable of protecting myself.”

Reiner gave her a soft smile.

“I know, but if something happens, I’ll make sure you're okay,” he replies.

Listening to his words Y/N almost felt like he almost anticipated something to go wrong. She shrugged off the tone of his voice and assumed it was just his protective nature coming into play.

“Thanks, and I’ll have your back too. I won’t let anything happen to someone I care about. Not after what happened at Trost.”

‘Not after what happened to Marco’ she said to herself. She had lost too many people at this point. Too many loved ones lost for stupid reasons. No more.

After a moment she brought herself out of her thoughts, “Let’s get back to the others. I don’t want Jean to worry.”

The blonde nodded his head and his expression fell slightly at the mention of Jean’s name. Y/N had caught the change and regretted mentioning his name. She had noticed that since that night Jean and Reiner seemed to be in a silent feud. It made Y/n uneasy since she knew she was the reason, but she hoped that time would eventually diffuse the tension.

Once they were back Y/N went and sat with a blanket around her shoulders. She stares at the fire while listening to her friends talk. She was peacefully lost in the moment not trying to place too much emphasis on what tomorrow would bring. She didn’t notice that someone had taken a seat beside her.

“Need to talk?” a familiar voice says bringing her out of her reflective state.

She gives a soft smile to Jean and pulls her blanket a bit tighter around her.

“I’m fine. Just reflecting.”

Jean looked at Y/N’s face and tried to find anything to conflict with her words. He realized that she was indeed fine and that made him relax. Then as he was looking at her something was different in the way he saw her. She looked pretty. The content expression was paired with the light from the fire highlighting her features. Her eyes seemed to sparkle a little more and her overall complexion seemed to be glowing. She really was beautiful, yet somehow, he was only now noticing.

“Jean?” she asks in a quiet tone.

Her eyes have left the flames and are looking into his. He responds with a “Hmm?”

“Please don’t leave me tomorrow.”

As the words left her mouth her expression had turned sad. Jean even thinks he sees tears building up in the corner of her eyes. He returns the look with a sad smile. He knows what she was implying. He would have to leave her side at some point. She was paired to ride closer to Reiner than him. She was asking to come back alive from the expedition.

“We both know I’ve always been about saving my own ass. That hasn’t changed.”

Y/N’s smile turns more genuine.

“I know,” she responds gently knowing that what he said was a lie.

She knows that his statement may have been true when they were in training, but somewhere along the line it changed. She wasn’t sure if it had changed during the battle of Trost or when he saw Marco’s lifeless body, all she knew for sure was that he had become a better version of himself.

Jean can see that Y/N is pensive, but he also wanted to make something clear to her as well. 

“You can’t leave me either. We both need to come back to each other.”

Y/N nods her head and then without a second thought, she lays her head on Jean’s shoulder. He can feel a blush forming on his cheeks, and he’s trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him.

“I think I’ll go to bed. We’ll need to be up early.”

Y/N moves her head away from his shoulder and stands.

“I’ll walk you. I was planning on going to bed too. No point in being out here with these idiots if you're not here,” he responds.

Y/N smiles.

“That’s mean. You know you like them.”

Jean doesn’t respond he just falls in step with his friend as they make their way inside. He walks with Y/N to her room and tells her that he’ll see her in the morning. He starts to walk down the hall to his room as he thinks about the evening. He then thinks about what Y/N had said on the way in. ‘You know you like them’ repeats in his head. The corners of his mouth turn upwards slightly as he speaks aloud to no one.

“Not as much as I like you.”


	13. I'll Stay

This expedition was fucked.

That was Jean’s first thought as he, Armin, Y/N, and Reiner stand under a small collection of trees. They had just finished an encounter with a female titan. Armin had figured out that she has human intelligence and is probably like Eren. They also found out that she was more than likely looking for Eren. It was at times like these that Y/N and Jean remember how brilliant Armin was.

Reiner was bandaging Armin’s head as Y/N stood next to Jean. He was trying to whistle to his horse to return to him. They only had two horses and needed two more or they were going to have to leave some people behind.

“This isn’t looking good, Jean” Y/N notes.

The tall brunette glares at his friend.

“You think I don’t know that?”

She smacks his shoulder.

“I know you’re scared but don’t be an asshole.”

Jean rubs his shoulder and sighs.

“Sorry. We just can sit here for much longer, and I’m running out of ideas.”

He wasn’t wrong. They had to get moving soon. They were asking to be attacked by standing around. It also meant the further away everyone else become the longer they sit there. Decisions needed to be made quickly.

“We should fire an emergency signal,” Y/N suggests.

Armin perks up at her words and adds to her statement.

“That’s right. Row four squad three should be in close proximity to us now.”

They all agree to fire the shot. Jean lets off the signal and starts to walk away.

“Well, I did it, but I doubt anyone is going to see it and think, “Hey somebody must need two extra horses.”

Hearing Jean’s pessimism Y/N slaps him on the back of the head this time.

“WILL YOU STOP HITTING ME!”

Y/N glares.

“STOP HAVING A PISSY ATTITUDE AND I WILL!”

Reiner and Armin both shake their heads. They both felt that the pair fought like an old married couple half the time.

“Armin, we can only wait three minutes for someone to show up. After that, we have to leave two people behind.”

All four stood silent for a moment.

“I should be one of them,” Armin states.

Y/N furrows her brow. Armin is volunteering to stay, but they still needed one more person. Jean and Reiner are stronger than Y/N. She’s not the weakest in their overall friend group, but she’s the weakest currently out of the three.

“I’ll stay too. I’m not as strong. They need the two of you more than they need me. It’s the only logical choice.”

They all look at her and she can see that Reiner and Jean don’t agree. Reiner has balled his fists at his side and is looking at the ground. Jean has grabbed the sides of his head with his arms out of frustration. He breaks free after a moment and looks at her.

“Are you stupid? You’re not staying here! It was my damn horse that ran away,” Jean replies.

“Are you even listening to yourself? You are more valuable than I am. You also don’t have time to argue with me. You both should head out.”

Jean furrows his brow and walks over to his friend.

“I will not leave you here. I will not have you die in such a stupid way.”

Hoping to sway her decision Reiner also chimes in.

“I’m also not letting you sacrifice yourself. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for Y/N.”

She looks at two and frowns. Then she looks over to Armin who has a sad look on his face. He knew she would do this, but he also knows that she’s not wrong. She wasn’t as smart as him, but she was intelligent.

“Armin, who should be left behind? Objectively speaking. I know you’ll be honest.”

He looked like he might throw up then and there. He didn’t want to have to pick which of his friends would have to die with him.

Armin lets out a sigh as he responds.

“Y/N is right. Out of the three of you, she is the weakest. She has good rationale but you both beat her in technical skills. Although I will say she is right behind Jean, logic would still dictate that she should stay.”

Jean looked like he might hit Armin at the second. He didn’t care what was the tactical decision. He cared that she lived. He cared that she made another sarcastic joke at his expense. That she got to complain that Sasha stole her bread again. All those little things she should get to have. Fuck everything else. She was just as important as anyone else who was breathing, even more so to him.

Looking up he stares into her eyes and she has a sad smile.

“Please make it home. Tell your mom I’m sorry I never got to come back and visit again.”

He feels tears pricking the corner of his eyes. He pulls her close and hugs her tight. He can tell that she is trying to hold everything together for him.

They pull away and Jean can hear Armin. He starts looking sadly into the distance as he tries to process what is happening.

“If I’m going to be left out in the open then I need you to relay a message. If possible, give it only to Commander Erwin.”

Y/N stares at Jean. She doesn’t look away from him because she knows in a matter of moments, she will never see him again. At one point she notices that his expression changes. Did he look relieved? She turns to look in the same direction as him.

Christa.

“Hang on Armin. Looks like you’ll be able to tell him yourself. Someone answered the call. Hell yes! They even have two horses in tow.”

Tears flood down Y/N’s face in relief; she can’t move out of shock, but it wasn’t necessary considering the next thing she feels is Jean pick her up in a hug. She buries her head in his chest and sobs for a moment. She was almost left to die most likely by being eaten at the hands of a titan. They separate after a moment and Jean gives her a relieved smile.

“Hey guys, you alright?” Christa yells.

Jean gives a soft laugh, “Well, damn! That’s my little runaway!”

“Poor thing. He ran to me like the devil was on his tail,” the blonde responded.

They all start to saddle the horses so they can start back on their path.

“I’m surprised someone answered our distress call,” Reiner states.

Christa smiles angelically.

“Well, I wasn’t far away when I saw it.”

Reiner looks at her with fondness on his face.

“You’re as noble as the steeds you tame,” he responds.

Y/N is on her horse and she hears Christa.

“It was nothing. I’m just-I’m just glad you’re all okay. What would we do without you?”

She’s started to tear up at this point and Y/N once again wonders how this beautifully soft girl ended up in the Survey Corps with the rest of them.

She looks over to Reiner and he has become completely smitten with Christa as well as Armin and even Jean. It seems like Y/N doesn’t have to worry about Reiner making any more moves on her. She couldn’t blame him. Hell, even Y/N was questioning if she was bisexual at the moment.

“Okay, I suppose we’d better rejoin the formation,” Christa says as they all start to head out to rejoin with the rest.

As they ride Y/N can hear them try to decide what’s going on with the expedition, but she stays quiet most of the way. Her focus is catching quick glimpses of Jean as they ride. The mission wasn’t completed yet, but for this moment she was able to buy more time. More time with him.


	14. Yeah, Jean. I'm Great

Once the group had made it back with the other Scouts, they had made a detour from where they thought they were going. Currently, Y/N and the rest of her group were stationed high in the treetops instead of making the trek to Shinganshina as thought. The center flank had gone into a thicket of woods while the other flanks were stationed around the perimeter. No one was sure what was going at this point, and Y/N noticed that Jean was about to lose his shit on the section commander. The lack of information was driving him crazy. The only thing they know for sure was that they had to keep titans from entering the forest.

She frowned at his frustrated state. She hated seeing him like this, but there wasn’t a lot anyone could do at the moment. Their assignment was a waiting game.

Y/N could hear Armin and Jean. Armin was trying to keep Jean from doing something irrational. The brunette kept spouting sarcasm every chance he was able. Armin looks over to Y/N with pleading eyes to help diffuse his temper. She looks over to Jean again and catches his eye. He can see that she is giving him a look to tone it down. He sighs and looks back at Armin.

“Look I’m just talking. The whole situation is messed up and I just need to vent. Alright? I’m not gonna start a mutiny. Well, not yet anyway.”

Armin keeps looking at Jean and Y/N hears Jean ask Armin if there is something he knows that he’s not saying. Y/N wasn’t going to argue with Jean on this one. She also had the feeling that they had been purposely left in the dark on the day's actual planned activities. Although she didn’t believe that Armin was privy to the info, she did think he had a theory about what was going on. Before Armin could answer the squad captain yelled.

“Five Meter titan approaching!”

She watched as the ugly thing ran towards them with its arms flailing about. Titans were interesting to watch to Y/N. Yes, they could easily eat her, but to observe them brought about all kinds of questions. The biggest question she had was how did these things even come into existence, and how were people like Eren and this random female titan able to shift back and forth? It was so odd. Not to mention something seemed familiar about the female titan. If she didn’t know better, she would say it looked like Annie, but she had seen Reiner attacked by that titan. There was no way that Annie would try to kill Reiner. She was a part of their trio. Reiner hasn’t acted any differently towards them either. That also lessens her suspicion.

“Armin. Bear with me, our orders are just to keep titans out, right?”

Y/N snaps out of her thoughts and looks over to a nervous Jean. He was looking down to the ground at the mob of hungry titans.

“So, we don’t actually need to fight them. Yeah? Am I wrong?”

Armin gives him a nod and they continue to stand on the tree branches. Jean looks over to Y/N and realizes he hasn’t checked in with her in a while. Since the incident in the field, he had decided that Y/N would be a priority. He didn’t give a damn what he had to do, but she would be going back home alive. He was starting to understand why Mikasa acted as she did around Eren.

“Y/N, you are doing okay?”

She looks over and gives him an uneasy smile. That wasn’t surprising most of their fellow cadets around them were nervous right now.

“Yeah, Jean. I’m great. I almost died in a field today and now some titans are trying to pick us out of these trees like we’re fucking apples.”

The brunette frowned at her statement. He forgot she can be just as sarcastic as him. It was both of their jobs to keep each other in check now that Marco wasn’t around.

“You’re not the cynical one. That’s my job,” he replied.

She laughed at his comment and shook her head. She looks down and sees one of the titans below her has started to slowly figure out how to move up her tree. She backs up feeling her nerves getting the best of her. This would be such a stupid death she thinks. Jean notices as well and acts immediately.

“Jump over here with me. They haven’t started climbing over here yet.”

Without hesitation, she moves over to his branch. She looks back down and sees that the titans just seem to keep coming. She starts to wonder more about when they would finally move on from here.

“We’re going to be fine,” he whispered in her ear. It was comforting especially since it comes from Jean. He must have sensed that she needed some reassurance because positivity isn’t usually his strong suit. She was thankful none the less.

Y/N leaned her back against the tree and looked up through the branches. She took a second to take a deep breath. A memory of Marco appears in her head. A simple one where they went for a hike and decided to climb a tree for fun. She remembers how she almost fell but he grabbed her wrist last minute and pulled her close to help regain her balance. She shakes the thought in her head and addresses Jean.

“I just wish I knew what the plan is and what our next move will be.” 

Jean looked Y/N over and could tell she was done with this mission. He was too. It seemed like everything had gone haywire. Then he started thinking about what they were doing here. Maybe if he could piece together the real reason they were here it would help alleviate some of the stress around them.

“Hey, Armin. They want us out here keeping titans out. I think I just figured out why. We’re here to lure that female titan into a trap. C’mon, what else could it be?”

Y/N looks over at Jean and realizes he’s right. It would explain the cannon fire they can hear in the distance. This made her feel somewhat better that she had a better idea about what was going on, but she still felt uneasy about the whole situation. Since the titan has intelligence trapping her would be far more difficult than any run of the mill titan or an abnormal for that matter.

She listens to Jean give his reasoning and it made sense. There was a traitor among them. It also made sense why no one knew where Eren was in the formation and why no one knew except a few what the hell was going on. She looks over to Armin.

“Yeah. Best explanation,” he responds.

Jean and Armin continue their explanation about the spy. That it was indeed someone among their ranks. It was unnerving to think that this person was working against them. It was also unsettling about Commander Erwin willing to sacrifice soldiers like this, but she understood. Nothing gained nothing lost. To make progress, these hard decisions have to be made. Similar to earlier when she and Armin were willing to die so the others could go on. Law of the universe she supposed. Everything has consequences whether they be good or bad. Today was just a bad day for a lot of people.

Suddenly a loud shriek is heard from deep in the woods. Y/N and Jean look at each other with worried glances. They were hoping that the center rank was okay. They were sitting outside looking in and had no clue what was happening.

Y/N can feel the tree vibrate and that makes her even more uneasy. She grabs Jean’s shoulder to try and steady herself and she can feel him place his hand over the top of hers. She looks down again and she can see the titans running into the woods. What in the fuck was going on?

“They’re not interested in us anymore,” Jean says.

He looks at Y/N and he can see the worry on her face. He’s trying his best to stay calm for both their sakes, but man, no one was making it easy. Strands of her hair were dangling in front of her face. He reached his hand and pushed it back behind her ear. She looks over at him.

“Thanks.”

He smiles at her and nods his head. If they weren’t on high alert, he would be blushing he was sure of it. He hated this. All of this. He just wanted to be hanging out in Y/N’s room talking with her or reading a book with her like they usually do. That’s all. Just spend time with his best friend.

After a moment they see a smoke signal in the sky signaling it was time to go back to headquarters. They both let out a relieved sigh. They could hopefully make it back without any other incident.


	15. I Am

The Scouts ride back to headquarters and they make their way through the gate. People from the crowd stare at them and they can hear people complain that their expeditions are pointless. It was difficult to hear, but the people on the streets aren’t the ones out beyond the walls. They don’t know about what happened with the female titan. They don’t know that there was more going on beneath the surface.

Y/N looked ahead and tried not to focus on the people around them. The looks they gave varied from pity to loathing. She had a particularly hard time keeping composure when she saw a man talking to Captain Levi asking him about his daughter Petra. She knew what had become of Petra. She saw the poor girl’s body tossed from the cart to outrun a titan. She had an idea of what the Captain was feeling. Not exactly because grief affects everyone differently, but she knew what she felt when she saw Marco. The Captain holds a cold exterior, but she saw his eyes glued to Petra’s body. She was part of his squad all of which were gone now, and he was still human no matter what anyone else claimed otherwise.

They make it back to headquarters and work on putting the horses away and unloading the carts from the expedition. Most of the Scouts at this point are both mentally and physically exhausted. They are merely going through the motions. Once they have finished Jean and Y/N start walking to Y/N’s room. They both decided that they needed time to decompress after such a rough expedition. As Y/N went to open the door they see Commander Erwin. They stop what they are doing and salute.

“I need both of you to follow me.”

He starts to walk, and the pair fall in line behind him. Jean and Y/N look at each other and give the other concerned looks. They didn’t know what the Commander wanted from them, but they weren’t able to refuse either. As they follow, they notice that they are joined by both Mikasa and Armin as well. Y/N looks over to Armin, but he doesn’t indicate what was happening.

They finally land in the mess hall where Eren sits along with Captain Levi. Commander Erwin tells them to take a seat. Y/N sits between Jean and Commander Erwin. The Commander starts talking about the female titan and how they believed that she was possibly Annie. It was hard to take in, but Y/N remembered on the expedition how she had she had thought herself that the attributes of the female titan looked like their supposed friend. 

Eren was not taking this well. He did not want to believe what information that had been presented. Then Eren asked a certain question that caught Y/N’s attention. Though it was Armin’s answer that interested her. Armin had said that he suspected Annie killed Hange’s pets.

“But there was that whole equipment inspection. Annie’s totally checked out,” Eren states.

Armin doesn’t look at Eren and quickly follows up with his response.

“Except, the gear she presented. Well, it- “

Armin looked over to Y/N as he finished his statement giving her a remorseful look.

“It wasn’t hers. It was Marco’s.”

Eren gasps in surprise and Y/N’s eyes widen at the mention of Marco’s name. She had a million thoughts running through her head. The first is whether she had anything to do with his death. She looks over to Jean who has kept a straight face with this information. Y/N honestly expected a bigger reaction. Her attention was brought back to Eren.

“I don’t understand. What’s Marco got to do with this?”

Armin responds, “It’s unclear.”

Eren continues to try and defend Annie, but the more he talks the more Y/N feels sick to her stomach. She wasn’t sure if Annie just happened to find his gear that day or whether she contributed to his death, but she was damn sure she wanted answers. She needed to talk to Reiner as soon as possible.

Captain Levi interrupts Eren’s ramblings and he asks for any more information. Y/N looks at Mikasa and they have the same thought. Y/N responds to the Captain’s question.

“Annie looks like the female titan. That’s something, right?”

Eren stands up in a panic.

“Really? What the hell’s wrong with you? What kind of evidence is that?”

Once they finally somewhat convinced Eren about Annie the Commander then proceeds to detail a plan to try and capture her in Stohess. It involved Jean impersonating Eren. That was why he was brought to the meeting. Y/N was still confused why she was invited. The commander breaks her from her thoughts.

“Y/N, we’re placing you with Jean. You’ll be the only one there besides Levi and I that know that he isn’t Eren.”

She looked over to Jean and she looks at the Commander.

“That’s fine, Sir, but why include me on this information?”

Captain Levi decides to answer for the Commander.

“Because you and he are up each other’s asses like Mikasa is with Eren. If we didn’t tell you, we were afraid you’d make a scene because you didn’t know where he was.”

Commander Erwin looks over to her and adds to the Captain’s statement.

“You’re also going to help if Plan A fails. We need someone to go with Jean if these three need help. It made sense to include you because of your close relationship with him. Also, after what Armin told us about Annie’s gear and your relationship with Bott he recommended you for this. He said that he trusts you.”

Y/N was slightly offended by Levi’s comment. They weren’t that dependent on each other. She was glad that Commander Erwin had added his thoughts as well. She also felt thankful towards Armin for suggesting including her. She held him in high regard as a friend and even more so now.

They finished their meeting and was dismissed after. Jean and Y/N walk away separately from Armin, Mikasa, and Eren. Jean goes back to his to change out of his uniform and Y/N does the same. Jean makes his way back to Y/N and she opens the door to let him in. They both sit on the bed and Y/N looks over to Jean.

“What does Annie have to do with Marco’s gear?”

Jean sighs and closes his eyes.

“I have no fucking clue, but I will find out,” he replies.

Y/N looks down and thinks about how she would have acquired it. She didn’t want to believe that Marco was dead because of her, but she couldn’t deny it was a strong possibility.

“I’m going to ask Reiner about it once we get Annie.” Y/N states.

Jean looks at her and can see that she is stressing out over this new information. He grabs her waist and pulls her into him. He sits his head down on hers.

“Just wait. We’ll see what happens in Stohess first.”

Y/N sighs but relaxes against his chest. The brunette was comfortable and the exhaustion from the day was wearing on both. They sit in comfortable silence until Y/N decides to speak.

“How does it feel to be Eren’s body double?”

She can feel Jean’s body tense at her statement. This was not something he was thrilled about.

“It’s ridiculous. We look nothing alike, damn it.”

Y/N lets out a laugh and turns around to face Jean.

“You are considerably taller, but the MP’s won’t know the difference.”

Jean gives her an annoyed glare.

“Whatever. Do you want me to stay here tonight?”

She looks at him and gives him a soft smile.

“Yes, please. You don’t have to though. I understand if you want to sleep in your own room. It’s been an awful day.”

Jean rolls his eyes as he responds.

“Don’t be stupid. I almost left you in a field to die. I’m staying. End of conversation.”

She had almost completely forgotten about that. It seemed like that happened such a long time ago. She remembered the moment and it sent a shiver down her spine. She and Armin had been lucky. Christa should be considered their new god. Screw the wall worshippers.

They move off the bed and pull back the covers. They lay down and become situated. Y/N starts to talk.

“Can you believe the Captain? We are not up each other’s asses.”

Jean gives a soft laugh.

“Y/N, what are we doing right now?”

She thinks about his question and realization sets in. He might have been kind of right.

“We’re still not as bad as Mikasa is with Eren.”

She feels Jean’s arm wrap around her waist and pulls her closer to him.

“I am.”

Y/N’s breath hitches at his comment. She wasn’t expecting that. She felt her cheeks blush and suddenly she felt hot. They both stay still for a moment, but then Jean speaks.

“Relax, go to sleep.”

He had felt her body tense at his words and while he wasn’t lying, he didn’t want her to run away. After a moment he can feel her body relax. They then both close their eyes and proceed to fall asleep with Y/N safe in his arms.


	16. I Have A Question

_Turning the page to her book Y/N lets out a content sigh. Marco is laying against a tree and Y/N is laying against his chest. The couple is enjoying a quiet afternoon reading a book together. Y/N closes the book and buries her head in her boyfriend’s chest. He softly strokes her hair and looks at her with a soft expression._

_“Can we stay here forever?” she asks only slightly joking._

_Marco smiles places two fingers under her chin bringing her attention to him._

_“We can’t stay here, but we’ll always stay together. I promise.”_

_Still holding her chin he bends down and kisses her gently. She can smell his clean shirt. The smell of the laundry soap always lingers on his clothes longer than most. It’s fresh and bright just like him. It feels warm and comforting._

_“I have a question.”_

_Y/N smiles. His questions are usually just a method to lightly tease her._

_“Yes?”_

_“Why don’t you love me anymore?” he asked._

_Confusion fills her head as she pulls away from him. He gives her a hurt expression._

_“What do you mean? I’ll always love you.”_

_Worry starts to take over her body and she can feel herself panicking._

_“How can you say you still love me if you kissed Reiner? Jean was right. You tried to replace us.”_

_Her eyes widened and guilt washed over her. Her heart was beating out of her chest. She never tried to replace him._

_“He kissed me, and it didn’t mean anything. I ran away after he did it because I felt like I was betraying you.” She replies and looks at his face. Trying to find some expression that told her that he understood. He always understood. This would be no different._

_“I saw everything. You ran away, but who did you run to? You spent the night with Jean. You have feelings for my best friend. Did you date me all that time to get to Jean? Did you ever care for me? I told you I’d love you forever. I guess that was only true for one of us.”_

_Tears start to stream down her face. She wasn’t sure what was happening, but he wasn’t right. Was he? Does she have feelings for Jean? She started thinking about the time they’ve spent together recently and how Jean made her feel._

_It clicked._

_She was a terrible person. Marco hasn’t been gone for any time at all and here she was acting like he never mattered. She’s disgraced his memory by developing feelings for his best friend._

_“I’m sorry. I didn’t forget. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”_

_Marco frowns and he raises his hand to wipe away the tears from her face._

_“It’s too late now. Maybe if had you loved me; I wouldn’t have died.”_

Y/N bolts upright in her bed. She takes a deep breath looking around her room trying to ground herself to what’s around her. She looks beside her and sees Jean sleeping like a rock. She was surprised he hadn’t woken up when she did. She gets out of bed and grabs a sweater. She looks at Jean again and frowns. She needs some time to herself to think.

She heads outside and takes a seat by a nearby tree. She lets out a sigh and lays her head against the base of the tree. That was a terrible dream and she still felt the guilt of the conversation with Marco. SHe doesn't even know where to begin with her feelings for Jean.

“You’re going to get filthy sitting on the ground like that, Brat. Shouldn’t you be asleep or some shit?”

Y/N stiffens when she hears Captain Levi’s voice.

“I couldn’t sleep, Sir.”

Her voice still sounds groggy for just waking up. She looks at the Captain and sees him lean against the tree beside her.

“Welcome to the club. It’s a real bitch.”

She smiles at the statement and she can see that he is looking at her with intrigue.

“Do you want some tea?” he asks.

She looks at the man with a confused face. Was the Captain really asking her to have tea with him?

“Tch, are you going to answer, or are you going to stare with that vacant look on your face?”

“Uh-yeah. Tea would be good.”

She gets up off the ground and follows him to the kitchen.

“You better not make a shitty cup of tea.”

She gives him a deadpan look when she realizes that she was most likely only invited to make said tea. She should have known.

She places a kettle on the stove to boil and starts pulling out the cups and sugar. She can feel the Captain watching her every move, but he doesn’t talk. It was unnerving. She starts to think about her dream again and then remembers watching the Captain talk to Petra’s father when they came back inside the gate. This prompted her to ask a question.

“Captain, how do you deal with so much death? You’ve been around for a while now.”

She pauses when she sees the Captain narrows his eyes at her. She ignores the glare and continues.

“I don’t know. I’ve had people close to me die, but it doesn’t seem to get any easier. How do you deal with it?”

She finished making the tea and handed the Captain his cup. He gripped it in his trademark style and takes a sip. He sits the cup down and leans back in his chair.

“First off, I haven’t been around _that_ long. So, watch your smart mouth. Second, it never gets easier. I’ve just gotten better at hiding it. Lastly, call me Levi in informal settings.”

She nods her head and takes a sip of tea. Levi can tell that his answer wasn’t helping her resolve anything, but he wasn’t good at this kind of shit. It was annoying, but she made good tea.

“Listen, life is shit most of the time. People die and it fucking sucks. You have to find the things that make it bearable. This tea for instance. It’s not bad for being made by such an annoying brat. What I’m saying is to not overthink everything. Don't forget about the people who are here now in front of you. Everyone is always trying to find a deeper meaning in life. If you look too hard you miss the whole point." 

She looks over to him and smiles. This was what she needed to hear. That wasn’t Marco. That was fear manifested into a bad dream. She thinks about Marco and what he would actually say about her feelings towards Jean. Levi was right. The answer was far simpler than she was making it out to be. She knew every freckle on his face and everything else about him. He would be happy that the people he left behind found comfort in each other.

“Clean up this mess and go back to bed, Brat. We have a busy day tomorrow and I’m not carrying your ass because you didn’t get enough sleep.”

He starts to walk out of the kitchen and Y/N calls out to him.

“Levi?”

He turns around and gives her a “Hmm?”

“Thanks. This was a good talk.”

He waves her off and walks away. She can hear him mumble “stupid brat” under his breath as he goes.

She looks back to the table and realizes he stuck her with making the tea and clean up.

Rude.


	17. It's Up To Him To Get His Shit Together

Y/N stands behind Armin and Jean. She stares with a sad look on her face as she sees Eren lying helpless in a pile of rubble. They had just arrived after leaving Commander Erwin and Levi with the military police.

The plan was to try and lure Annie underground, but it didn’t go as planned. The hope was that Eren would restrain her if necessary. She ended up turning into titan form and is now trying to find a way out of Stohess. Unfortunately, Eren is having doubts when it comes to fighting his former friend and he can’t transform. Some people were feeling irritated at the situation.

Jean is bent down next to Eren. He’s showing frustration at his friend's inability to do what he needs to do.

“That’s it! Enough of your bullshit, Eren!”

Jean starts to get closer and raise his voice even louder. Y/N stands back and frowns at the site. They needed to move on soon if Eren wasn’t going to get it together.

“Did I or did I not tell you this day would eventually come?”

Y/N starts to move forward to place a hand on Jean’s shoulder to try and calm him down, but he shrugs off her hand. She sighs and crosses her arms in response to his rejection. She knew his actions weren’t about her. She was more aggravated that there wasn’t a lot she could do to calm him down. He just needed to express his feelings. Even though yelling at Eren may do the opposite of what he wants him to do. Then again Eren seems to be unconscious and Y/N isn’t sure how much he could even hear right now.

“Look at yourself! Our fate’s in your hands. We’re out there puttin’ our lives on the line, and this is all we can expect from our last best hope?”

Jean was speaking the truth. He was definitely not wrong. Y/N could see that his frustration was starting to get the better of him. He went down to his knees and she knelt beside him, placing an arm around his shoulders. He didn’t reject her touch this time, but she wasn’t sure he even recognizes her presence at all. His focus was solely on Eren.

“Is this what Marco…What he—Damn it!”

She knew what he was trying to say and the mention of her dead boyfriend's name always feels like someone is pushing a dagger that’s permanently lodged into her heart a little further in. The dagger would never be removed, and the wound will never fully heal. She can see that Jean is feeling the same way when he thinks about his best friend. It’s a pain they both share. In response, she tightens her arm which is wrapped around him.

Unexpectedly, a giant piece of a building falls and Jean turns to push Y/N and himself out of the way while covering her body with his. It takes a minute but when Y/N opens her eyes the first thing she sees is Jean leaning over top of her. Their noses were practically touching because of the proximity. They make eye contact and stay where they were listening to the other breathe. They stayed in this position for only a moment, but it felt much longer to the two of them.

Y/N was the first to break the silence.

“Are you, um, okay?” she asks while still staring into Jean’s amber-colored eyes.

He nods his head and they both move from the ground. Y/N looks where the wall had fallen. Eren was more lifeless than before and buried by even more rubble. It was obvious what had to happen next.

Y/N walks over to Armin and helps him up. Jean is staring ahead up the street towards Annie. He breaks the silence among them.

“Leave him! We can’t do anything until we take care of her!” he yells passionately.

Jean then takes off flying towards Annie to try and help take her down. Y/N looks at Armin.

“I’m going to help him. They need us more right now than Eren does. We can’t do anything for him. It’s up to him to get his shit together.”

Armin nods his head. Before she takes off, she walks over to Eren. Once again, she’s not sure if he can hear her, but she might as well share her thoughts with him before she goes.

“No one wanted Annie to be the bad guy, but she is. You have to decide if letting her go is more important than the lives of everyone else.”

She gives Armin a solemn smile and deploys her ODM gear to catch up to Jean. Y/N can feel the wind on her face as she flies making her way through the streets. It was a sad sight to see the path of destruction that Annie was carelessly leaving behind. It made her heart hurt for those being affected. As she approaches the target, she can see that Annie is killing anyone who gets near her. Y/N lets out a sigh as she gets closer.

Armin finally leaves Eren’s side and starts to yell at Annie trying to distract her so Y/N and Jean can try to attack from behind. It doesn’t work as she covers her nape immediately. Without any other option, it was time to draw her near Hange’s squad.

“Armin! Y/N! Follow my lead,” Jean shouts. 

The pair follow Jean as he flies along a path to try and bring Annie down like they had in the forest. They lead her down a road where there are Scouts hidden with special target restraining weapons. Annie unknowingly goes right where they need her to and once the shot is clear they fire. Jean and Y/N land on a roof nearby with Armin. They watch them drop netting on her as an added precaution.

“Do you think this will hold her?” Y/N asks.

Neither one responds and she looks over to her friends. Armin looks like he’s having doubts while Jean looks a little more confident. They watch the scene below as Hange starts talking to Annie. The squad leader has a sadistic vacant look in her eyes.

“I don’t want to be on Hange’s bad side ever,” Y/N comments.

Jean nods his head in agreement. She could be terrifying when she wants to be. They watch Hange bring her blade to Annie’s eye. They all tense at the action not wanting to see what she would do next.

Their eyes widen as they see Annie’s arm swipe the ground taking out anything around her. She escapes and starts running again. It was a never-ending nightmare at this point.

“Damn it!” Y/N yells.

Irritation fills her as she thinks about how their plans had failed. What the hell do they do now? As she flies through the air, she sees Mikasa get hit and go tumbling. ‘Shit’ she thinks. This wasn’t good. Armin yells after her but they had to keep going. They needed anyone they could get right now.

Maneuvering close to Jean they move to try and keep up with the target. In an instant, they see a flash of light from a distance.

Eren.

They land on a roof with Armin and Hange right as Eren rounds the corner and lays his fist into Annie’s face.

“Fucking finally. I never thought he was going to get his ass up,” Y/N remarks.

Jean looks intently at the battle, but he glances over at her and gives her a small smirk. She took the words right out of his mouth.

“Well, I daresay our boy is in control of himself this time,” Hange states optimistically.

Y/N stares out at the battle between the two. She can hear the group discussing Eren’s ability to restrain Annie and take her down. He has the will to do it but that will only get him so far if he doesn’t have a strategy when fighting and Eren is known for letting his emotions override his sensibility.

They then notice that Annie is heading to the open ground away from the ability of ODM gear to reach her. Hange signals for them to split up and go around. They follow and land on a rooftop nearby watching the scene unfold. Jean, Y/N, and Armin stand next to each other praying that the situation is resolved soon.

They watch as Annie tries to get to the wall to escape and Eren comes directly after her toppling her to the ground. Mikasa appears and lands near Armin. She starts to go save Eren, but Hange stops her telling her that he’s obviously in a fit of rage.

Y/N moves slightly closer to Jean. He looks over to see the disturbed expression on her face. He knew watching their friends fight was hard. He also knows that the amount of devastation happening was also bothering her. It was bothering him as well. Killing innocent people for whatever reason was hardly ever justified in their eyes. He places his hand on her shoulder to remind her she’s not alone. He can see her shoulders relax slightly at his touch.

Annie breaks free and starts to climb up Wall Sina.

“She’s headed up the wall!” Jean yells.

“She’s trying to escape!” Shouts Hange.

Mikasa takes off in an instant. They watch as Eren tries to bring Annie down. Clawing at any part of her body he could reach. When it seems, she had finally shaken him Mikasa appears and slices off her fingers. Annie free falls to the ground. Once she lands Eren starts beating her to a pulp at one point decapitating her. He then bends over in what looks like an attempt to eat her in his titan form. Yells are heard from Jean, Mikasa, and Hange to stop before it’s too late.

Eren pauses and for a moment it was unsure what was happening. In an instant, Eren and Annie’s bodies start to merge and he moves to continue to try and eat her. Thankfully Captain Levi appears and carves Eren out of his titan form.

They stand in the aftermath. Eren’s titan is slowly decomposing while Annie has hardened the area around her into a crystal. They approach the crystal to get a better look and Jean takes out his blade and starts hitting. The blade does nothing and every failed strike pisses him off more.

“Damn it! All the shit we’ve been through and this is what we get?”

Y/N stands back and watches. She knows exactly what he is feeling. She is useless in that crystal and their effort to bring her down seems all for not. What was the point of destroying this city if they weren’t going to get what they needed?

“ANNIE! WAKE UP! C’mon, face the music! You owe us! Don’t be a coward I know you can hear me!

Jean goes to slam his blade against the crystal again, but Y/N stops him by grabbing his wrist. Captain Levi walks up behind her and starts to speak.

“That’s enough. It’s over,” he says in a calm manner.

Jean finally lowers his arm and softens his features. He looks over to Y/N and lets out an exasperated sigh.

“What did we gain, Y/N? Tell me it wasn’t pointless because I’m having trouble finding the bright side.”

Y/N walks up to him and lays her head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Jean. I’m not good at pep talks. That was never my job. It was Marco’s because we both have the emotional maturity of a turnip.”

She takes a deep breath as she thinks about what to say next.

“If Marco was here, he would say that even though we can’t talk to Annie she at least didn’t get away? He would also point out that she is contained, so while she’s in that crystal she can’t kill any more innocent people.”

Jean smiles softly and lets out a low chuckle. He raises his hand and ruffles her hair.

“Yeah, you’re right. He would say that. I think he rubbed off on you more than you give yourself credit for, Y/N.”

She smiles and they move to catch up with the others. As they walk Y/N reflects on Jean’s words. He was right. Marco wasn’t there in person, but he was there in their hearts. He impacted their lives and changed them for the better. Y/N could see it in Jean and Jean could see it in Y/N. It was all they needed to keep going even when it seemed like their effort did nothing.


End file.
